21 Employees Open Up About Terrible ‘Work Benefits’ They Received That Felt More Like A Slap In The Face

Proof that some workplace perks should’ve stayed in the suggestion box.

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• December 21, 2024

The workplace holiday season is a time for festive decorations, lukewarm potlucks, and the much-anticipated announcement of employee perks. You know, the moment when your company shows just how much they value you. Or, in some cases, how much they… don’t

In an ideal world, these perks would make us feel appreciated, motivated, and maybe even a little spoiled. The icing on the sour cake of capitalism, some might say. But what happens when that “icing” turns out to be expired frosting no one asked for?

Take, for instance, the story of a retail worker who received a $5 gift card to a coffee shop that didn’t exist in their town. Or the office that handed out stale cookies as a bonus, complete with the expiration date already passed. 

It’s almost like these companies believe a little holiday cheer can be packaged in apathy and sprinkled with disappointment.

A recent r/AskReddit post asking, “What’s the worst job benefit or bonus you’ve ever received?” ignited a hilariously tragic conversation. The responses were a mix of comedy gold and soul-crushing reality, revealing just how tone-deaf some employers can be when it comes to “rewarding” their staff.

As someone who once received a branded calendar featuring inspirational quotes from our own HR department, I can’t help but empathize. (Spoiler: January’s gem was, “Be the change you want to see in the company.” Ouch.)

Whether you’re here for a laugh or to commiserate, these tales of terrible workplace perks are sure to strike a chord. Let’s dive in, shall we?

1. least now you have a baseball cap as a physical embodiment of your misery

Worked crazy OT for a month to get vital computer security updates done (every computer had to be touched individually). Those of us who were salaried were promised we would be taken care of for the 20+ hours of overtime each week.

Hourly people earned time and a half.

Salaried people got a company embroidered baseball cap as a 'thank you'. Oh, and so did the hourly people.

2. balance redefined: you can work early, work late, or just work all the time. Flexibility!

"Flexible work hours."

Must be in office between 8 and 5, but you can show up even earlier or stay even later if you want.

cyclika:

"Of course we support flexible working options! You're free to work from home nights and weekends." 

Said with absolutely no hint of irony nor awareness.

3. Just give me the money

I was in my mid-30’s at a large nonprofit and HR made us complete a questionnaire like: What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite candy? and we were told this would inform the way they would reward us.

I just wrote “money” as my favorite everything. Pay me in money, please. What am I, five?

4. Nothing says ‘Christmas cheer’ like the bare minimum effort.

This was in 2004. Our 'Christmas bonuses' were hyped up for months. We got a pizza party in the breakroom with a DJ (the guy who ran the mailroom) and they handed out envelopes to everyone.

It was a Target gift card with $5 on it. My department was so angry we decided to pool our cards and buy supplies for a chemo care package for one of our people who was fighting breast cancer. That made us feel a bit better.

5. Fridays, but make it capitalism: ‘Want to wear jeans? That’ll be $5. Thank you for funding your own morale boost!

I had a job where we were allowed to pay to wear jeans. You can’t even make that s**t up.

6. “Lunch is served! One plain bread roll to power you through the day.”

I worked at a radiology clinic where they would provide a single bread roll for staff for lunch on Wednesdays. No fillings or spreads. Just a plain white bread roll.

7. “We won’t fix the workload, but here’s a course on how to smile while drowning in tasks.” A true corporate masterpiece.

Instead of hiring more people to help out with the insane, borderline abusive demands brought on by understaffing, they hosted a professional development course on how to deal with workplace stress.

"Here, let me teach you how to be more okay with me taking advantage of you".

8. vacation days is definitely not a benefit

25 vacation days.

This is not a "benefit" this is the f*****g law in my country. Trying to imply that you're giving me vacation time out of the goodness of your heart while in fact you're obliged by law to do that is stupid.

What's next? Say that I'm allowed to breath while I'm working?

9. Fifteen years of dedication and lives saved, rewarded with…enough to maybe buy one-eighth of a latte. Cheers to undervaluing greatness!

A $15 gift card for 15 years of service as a Nurse in LTC.

10. Talk about bittersweet irony

I was a repairs specialist working in quality control, my job was to repair defects for a major automotive manufacturer. The last line of defense before it goes out the door.

Quality-was-my-job.

We won a JD Power award for quality, a prestigious industry award.

The office got thousands in bonuses, and they all got a Rolex.

You know what I got? Or my department rather?

A waxy piece of chocolate the size of the palm of my hand that said *JD Power* on it.

That's it

That's all

I told them thanks for f*cking nothing and threw it in the garbage and told them I won't be working there much longer. They actually had the balls to say that I should be grateful. I replied ill be grateful when I leave this sh*thole and I never have to step foot on this property again.

11. Throwing a party so good, the people doing all the work can’t even attend it. Truly inspiring

When I worked at a local mental health facility they had a crazy high turnover issue across the board, but particularly with clinical staff. One of their solutions for the morale issue was to throw an employee appreciation fair. Free food, games, music, the works.

The first problem was, they expected the support staff to set up and man everything (maintenance constructing the booths, IT setting up and managing the sound system, kitchen staff doing all the cooking.)

So not only did they (we, I was IT) not get to enjoy the event, we ended up a full day behind on our normal tasks as well. The other problem, the BIG problem, though, was that any of the staff that interacted with patients, particularly the clinical staff they were having trouble retaining, couldn't cancel those appointments to attend.

So the event just ended up being administrative staff and the office pool having a big party for themselves while the rest of us either served them, or heard the festivities coming from outside while they were stuck inside doing actual work. As you may imagine, it did not have the intended effect, but the C-Suite liked it so much it became an annual event.

12. one time when it’s totally okay to say no to fitness

Once worked at a place where the 'benefit' was free access to the company gym... which was just a treadmill in a dark, windowless basement room. No thanks, I'll pass on the dungeon workout.

13. your holiday bonus being mandatory training because you trusted your boss. Brutal

We got an email telling us to click on a link for a holiday appreciation gift from the company. If you clicked on it, you had just fallen for a phishing test to see if you would click on links in emails. Your gift was three hours of mandatory security training.

14. Do they by any chance work for the mafia?

"When we send you overseas, we book you a 'discreet' hotel that doesn't ask ages."

WHO DAFUQ YOU GOT WORKING HERE?!?!

15. Two whole sick days? They outdid themselves on this one

After 2 years of working there, they announced with great fanfare that we were generously being given two paid sick days per year. I later discovered that they were just complying with recently passed legislation here in Quebec, Canada.

16. hydration—what a groundbreaking benefit! Next, maybe oxygen will be included too

"Free water for the employees"

Wow thank you!

Green_Caterpillar_99:

I work as a waitress right now and we are allowed free tap water. Cold or hot.

17. A sweet ‘thank you’ for your hard work! Oh wait, not for you. For the office folks who barely know the factory exists

I once worked on an assembly line in a factory. Big factory. Easily took 15-20 minutes to walk from my end of it to the front of the building where corporate was. That's an important detail here.

So one time they asked us all to pull a lot of overtime for a few weeks to catch up on some promised production numbers they oversold or some BS. As a "thank you" they announced they were going to bring in some ice cream trucks for us all to get free ice cream.

They brought the trucks to the end of the building near the offices. Our break wasn't long enough to get to the ice cream and get back to work on time. Only the suits got free ice cream. So in summary, to thank the production workers for doing extra hours they bragged to us that the desk job guys who caused the trouble in the first place got free ice cream and we didn't. That one pissed me off.

Another time they asked us to work over the night before Christmas eve. It should have been a shutdown day. They promised everyone a free lunch for giving up our holiday time. 12&1/2 hour shift and no food ever showed up. They forgot and we were all starving. The next shift when everyone was there we were told not to say a word about it publicly or we'd be fired.

Anyway, I learned two lessons from that job. 1 never trust your boss when they promise you free food, bring a backup meal just in case. 2 never agree to get paid in stock, at my level it will never be worth more than the salary they'll probably ask me to give up for it and it makes taxes hell.

I spent 2 years working there. I won't say their name but they build electric cars in Fremont CA and their owner is a South African who recently purchased twitter and the White House.

Other fun stories are the times a guy lost a foot getting run over by a forklift, a guy getting electrocuted to death, numerous fires in the paint department, multiple class action lawsuits for making us doctor out time cards, and so many other messed up things. But the ice cream thing, that is the one that still really makes my blood boil almost 8 years later.

18. pay you 25% below the acceptable income range, but hey, you get to wear sneakers to work!

I told our HR person we were losing employees because of low pay. I showed examples of similar jobs that were paying 25% more at other firms. She told me that the casual work atmosphere was a huge benefit and should be taken into account. My response was that I could buy a lot of neckties for $10K a year. I resigned a few weeks later and they tried to counter offer. Idiots.

19. An autographed Kivabot from Bezos himself! Truly the pinnacle of workplace appreciation

Worked at an Amazon warehouse and management told us we were the most efficient warehouse in the entire national system during peak on some metric and will be getting a prize soon. In February, someone writes on the suggestion board asking what that prize is going to be, they reply It’s on its way now.

The prize was that one of our Kivabots that delivers the shelves to our workstations will be autographed by Jeff Bezos. He never actually came to our warehouse so they probably printed a sticker and put it on one of the machines. So every once in a while, we will get to see the great one's signature on the robot that delivers us tasks.

20. What an interesting plot twist

We will make a donation in your name to our church.

I also have to add... he was the pastor of the church.

21. off a cruise you’ll never be able to afford on your income or a car you can’t buy. How so very thoughtful

The coupons on stuff I still cant afford to buy. Oh 10% off a car, or cruise? Thanks, Still no christmas bonus or anything.

So, here’s to the overworked, underappreciated employees navigating these “perks” with grace—and a lot of eye rolls. Remember, when your boss hands you a laughably bad benefit, you’ve earned the right to laugh, even if it’s through tears.

Jesse