Dog-Fearing Woman Wonders How To Practice Sensitivity When Visiting Person Who's Overly Fond Of Their Dog
Not all people are fond of dogs, and that's okay. Part of being a responsible dog owner is ensuring that we keep our pets away from those who aren't comfortable with them. As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, emphasizes, "Empathy is the foundation of all healthy relationships." We need to recognize that not everyone shares the same enthusiasm for our furry friends as our pets do for them. Various reasons may contribute to an individual's discomfort around dogs; for instance, young children might feel overwhelmed by larger dogs, while adults may have fears rooted in past experiences. Additionally, elderly individuals may have delicate skin prone to bruising or injury from scratches. Therefore, don't assume that your guests automatically feel at ease with your dog's presence. Instead, kindly inquire about their comfort level and be sure to honor their preferences. After all, they've graciously accepted your invitation into your home. Despite some people claiming to be dog-friendly, there may still be instances where they express annoyance toward your canine companion, leaving you feeling similarly frustrated by their reaction. In today's post, let's take a look at the answers to the question that a dog-fearing woman posted:
What is the best way for a person with a fear of dogs to visit someone who has a small, excitable dog that barks and jumps up on people? I'm guessing telling this particular dog owner wouldn't go down too well with them, as the dog is doted upon.
The owner being too fond of their dog is probably what started the problem with the dog.
Yes, and that's why the dog is crazy. Too much positive attention can be really bad for dogs, especially the little ones. Both parties have issues to work on here.
You need to train your dog. I don't know why I have to tell people that all the time.
You really should know about the training thing before you get a dog! If you aren't willing to put in the effort to train, then don't have a dog. Training is for their mental health, by the way, not just a method of control.
A properly trained dog isn't restricted; they just do the right things because they know what those things are and they want to be good citizens.
Dogs do not want to scare people who come in the door. Their overwhelming motivation is to fit into the family.
But if you give a dog treats, hugs, and cuddles when they are annoying your guest, then you're a poor dog trainer and the dog isn't getting what he needs.
Kenji is happy and well-adjusted because he is trained. He was not born this way!
He learned the right things to do from me. He knows people don't appreciate getting their thighs scratched up by a dog because every time he's tried, he gets a negative reaction.
He doesn't get laughter and cuddles from things like that.
Training is why the chihuahua is one of the most dangerous dog breeds in America. More people go to the ER with chihuahua bites than pit bull bites, by a HUGE margin.
That's because people think it's funny when a little dog is being aggressive… and the dog learns that! So, they bite and growl because they think the humans want that.
So, this person needs to take responsibility for their training failure and put the dog away when guests are around until the dog is trained to behave properly. It's also to your benefit to have a nice and friendly dog… remember Kenji from the photo above?
He recently saved me $500 on a vet appointment because he knows how to be nice to people and he was able to endure a painful procedure without being sedated. So, training will save you money too… imagine how much an ER visit for a dog bite costs?
It'll save you from that too.
They need to train their dog.
The original poster (OP) can always meet up with this person in a restaurant, so they don't have to bring their dog with them.
Arrange to meet the person somewhere away from the dog. The dog doesn’t have to be with the owner all the time and can stay home while you meet in a café or other public place.
If the owner values your company, they will agree, and if they don’t, you will have to assume you mean nothing to them.
Owners need to practice respect. In other words, they need to prevent their dogs from jumping on people.
I love my dogs; my son says I love them more than I care for him. But in my opinion, parents and dog owners, just like any member of society, need to respect that other people do not necessarily feel the same. If the world is ever going to reach a place where everyone feels equal to every other member of society, they should be respected.
Respect is not about agreeing with their point of view, but about understanding that they have as much right to hold different ideas as you do. So if I am aware that a visitor is phobic about dogs, mine are confined or restrained.
In fact, even if my visitors aren’t phobic, I do not allow my dogs to jump all over them. I don’t enjoy having dogs demanding attention from me when I visit, and even at home, my own dogs are taught to respect the personal space of other dogs, as well as humans. There would be less aggression seen with dogs if they were taught manners.
It’s the same as with children; all beings, human or otherwise, need to understand that there are limits to what behaviors are tolerable and which aren’t.
Different approaches to the situation.
Your options are:
1) Ask that the dog be crated (it'll probably bark incessantly, so that doesn't sound like piles of fun for anyone involved).
2) Ask that someone take the dog out away from the house while you visit. It might or might not be feasible, but it's worth putting out there.
3) Ask to meet somewhere else, like a coffee shop, restaurant, museum you both like, or even a mutual friend's house.
4) Visit virtually, using various online utilities. It isn't great, but it also requires the least effort of the lot.
Just don't meet with the person if the OP knows they'll take offense.
This isn’t rocket science.
Don’t go.
Tell the owner you cannot come over because you’re scared of the dog.
Arrange to meet elsewhere.
One user recommends simply getting over these individuals, but in reality, it's not as straightforward as it sounds.
If you have a fear of dogs, don't visit this person at their home where the dog is. Why are you so afraid of dogs?
Have you been bitten by one? I've been bitten by six small dogs.
I have two large dogs myself. You have to learn that dogs won't hurt you unless they're vicious.
Get over it. I have!
Simple answer: Don't visit them.
If they have a poorly mannered dog, just don’t visit them if the dog bothers you. You are right about them training the dog, so maybe compromise and see if they can crate the dog, put it in a room, or keep it on a lead.
If they won’t, just don't visit them at home.
Responsible dog owners understand that some people simply cannot be near dogs.
If they are responsible owners, they will understand your fear and try to allay it by putting the dog outside or in another room.
The OP could opt for complete honesty with the person she's visiting. However, if the owner insists that having the dog present during the visit won't pose an issue, then it might be best for the OP to reconsider the visit altogether.
Ultimately, she needs to prioritize her well-being. If the person she's visiting cannot accommodate her basic comfort needs, then there's little reason for her to proceed with the visit.
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