Maori Man's Fiancée Doesn't Allow Him To Gift Maori Traditional Wedding Attire To His Groomsmen, Saying They'll Look Mismatched In The Photos

"He said it would look "shoddy and mismatched in photos"."

Filip

• Published in Interesting
• December 24, 2023

Wedding customs are not universal. They vary significantly across cultures, and each reflects unique traditions, beliefs, and histories.

This story is about Maori wedding traditions and the problems they caused to the groom. The OP and his fiancée are in the midst of wedding planning and trying to harmonize cultural traditions and personal preferences.

The OP belongs to the Maori culture, where wearing a korowai, a cloak with deep meaning and spiritual significance, is typical for special occasions. The color of a Korowai, like the OP's green one symbolizing life and their role as a paramedicine service Chaplain, carries profound importance.

The OP said engaging with Maori culture can be intricate, especially for his non-Maori friends who find it challenging yet approach it with genuine interest and respect. For the wedding, the OP planned to gift and bless their groomsmen with Korowai, a gesture deeply symbolic of their shared journey.

The groomsmen, unable to acquire Korowai themselves, were ecstatic about this gift. The OP's partner, though passionate about Maori culture but not of Maori descent, initially agreed with letting the groomsmen choose their Korowai, including color, to match their outfits.

However, concerns arose about the visual cohesion in wedding photos, leading to a disagreement. The OP's partner insisted on uniformity in Korowai colors and matching black suits, prioritizing photographic aesthetics over cultural significance.

This disagreement escalated when the OP's Maori best man expressed his discomfort with being dictated what to wear, as it conflicted with his personal and cultural connection to the Korowai. Now, the OP's partner is firmly against varied Korowai, and OP is equally adamant about upholding cultural importance and individual choices.

The OP seeks advice on whether to stand his ground or compromise, as the issue isn't just about differing views but also respecting the cultural significance embedded in the Maori traditions.

Here is the OP's dilemma:

The OP explained his culture includes wearing a traditional outfit named Korowai for weddings:

The OP explained his culture can be confusing to people unfamiliar with it:

When the OP told his groomsmen about the Korowai, they were excited:

The OP's fiancee was passionate about his culture until she heard the groomsmen would choose the color for Korowai:

She was worried about their appearance in the wedding photos:

When the OP's Maori best man heard this, he felt uncomfortable:

So, the OP is in a dilemma whether to stand his ground on the issue or compromise:

One Reddit user provided a great suggestion

It doesn't seem like his fiancee respects his culture

"She is prioritizing an aesthetic over your customs and traditions"

One Redditor said it should be the OP's decision solely

The OP responded:

He should try to explain it to her again

Her objections are superficial

After reading the OP's story, many Redditors told him to try to explain it better to his fiancee. It's a traditional outerwear that has a meaning in the OP's culture, and its color too.

If his fiancee wants to respect his culture, she should be able to understand that Korowai comes in different colors for different people.

Filip