Abusive Man Reaches Out To His Adopted Brother Whom He Mistreated For Years, The Brother Isn't Ready To Mend Things Yet

The adopted brother was invited to the man's birthday dinner, but he's not sure whether he should go.

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• Published in Interesting
• November 26, 2023

Whenever celebrations that bring family together draw near, people with soured relationships with their family members start thinking about mending them. Today's story from the Relationships subreddit is a good example.

The original poster (OP) starts his story with a family background. His mother has a drug addiction, so he was adopted by his uncle (the mom's sister) and aunt.

They have a son who's three years older than him. His adoptive parents made an effort to get him adjusted to his new life, which meant that he was getting special treatment over his cousin when he started living with them.

His cousin's resentment for him grew over time, resulting in the OP getting mistreated and a strained relationship between the two. When his cousin moved out, that's when the OP decided to stop building a relationship with his cousin-slash-brother.

The OP, now an adult, received a message from his estranged brother, telling him he's invited to his birthday dinner. As he stared at the message, a mix of emotions swirled within him.

The brother, now 26, expressed remorse, acknowledging the pain he had caused. It was unexpected, and he wasn't sure how to respond.

Forgiving seemed impossible, yet ignoring felt harsh. The dilemma deepened as the prospect of attending the birthday dinner loomed. A simple question gnawed at him: Should he go?

OP went through abuse and mistreatment in his childhood.

He simply can't forgive his brother who treated him like a dog. So he wasn't sure if he should attend his brother's birthday dinner.

OP's family background.

The OP suddenly received a text from his brother, inviting him to a birthday dinner.

The brother then followed up with a message, apologizing for his past mistakes. But the OP isn't ready to forgive his brother yet.

The OP can always be honest with his brother.

He has the right to say that he isn't ready to establish the relationship and the brother needs to respect his decision.

Mending a family relationship through a dinner party is a bad idea, according to a Redditor.

Anything could happen during the birthday party. The OP can play it safe and not attend, especially if he's not ready to forgive his brother.

The OP shouldn't feel forced to mend the strained relationship.

If he doesn't want to be involved with his brother anymore, his brother should respect that decision.

Some Redditors believe that the brother has matured, so the OP can hope.

The OP also clarified that his foster parents got him therapy. But since there were also budget constraints, they can't always provide all the necessary paid support for the OP, which is understandable.

He shouldn't be obligated to meet his brother, especially at a celebration.

There are many approaches the OP can take in this situation.

All he needs is to determine his feelings on the matter and decide what's best for his emotional well-being.

Even if the brother is determined to fix the strained relationship, ultimately, it's the OP's decision if he wants to reciprocate. The guy needs to provide the OP some time to think and space if he really respects his adopted brother.

If the OP doesn't want the relationship, he can always decline. Nobody should force him to make a decision he's not ready for, and everyone involved should respect his feelings and boundaries.

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