21 Parents Share 'Secrets' Their Kids Thought They Got Away With—But Mom And Dad Knew All Along

Parents aren’t as clueless as we think.

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• October 25, 2024

When I was a kid, my parents had one strict rule during exam season: no video games. To us, that was a fate worse than failing any math test or history quiz. 

But my siblings and I were crafty—we had a secret plan. Whenever our parents went out, we would sneak the gaming console back on, dive into virtual worlds, and keep one eye on the driveway. 

As soon as we spotted their car turning the corner, the panic would set in. Off went the console, controllers were hidden, and we’d scramble back to our books like perfect little angels. It was the perfect crime—or so we thought.

What we didn’t realize was that we were far from undetected. While we thought we were geniuses, it turns out the red-hot temperature of the console was giving us away every single time. 

My parents knew, but rather than catching us in the act, they gave us the chance to own up and fix our ways. Spoiler alert: we didn’t. We kept pushing our luck, and let’s just say we definitely answered for our crimes in due time. 

Children really think they're skilled in the art of deception, but let’s be honest—parents are practically born with superpowers. They see all, hear all, and are pretty familiar with the smug look smeared across a child’s face when they think they've gotten away with something.

In a delightful AskReddit thread, parents from around the globe share the most amusing and heartwarming "secrets" their children think they’re hiding. We’ve rounded up 21 of the most hilarious tales, and trust us—you’re in for a treat.

1. The cost of raising a bookworm

My daughter thinks she "gets away" with reading when she should be asleep. The fact that I have such a large book expenditure each month is also a dead give away.

2. Sometimes, the best secrets are the ones we both pretend not to know

My daughter's bike was lost/stolen after she left it at the bus stop. After a few days of looking she had given up on finding it. She was crushed and I couldn't take it. I picked up an identical bike, I took the training wheels off just like the first one. When I got home I tried to pass it off that I found her bike.

A couple of days later she told my wife, that she knew it wasn't her bike, but she didn't want to make me sad by telling me she knew. 

I know that my daughter knows my secret, but is keeping it a secret from me.

3. A nighttime ritual they certainly both love

My 2 year old tries to hide a car behind his back when I put him to bed. I pretend not to see it until he gets in the crib and go “ooooohh you got me soooo good! You tricked daddy!” Then I tickle him which causes him to drop the car, I take it and hide it. Then I continue to play with him for a minute until he forgets about the car.

4. The cats did not pass the conspiracy check

My 5 year old daughter has a stash of snacks inside of a cat tree. The cats usually end up dragging them out and then I overhear her scolding the cats. 

I let this go on because 1) it's hilarious, and 2) it's nothing I haven't already given her. .

5. Sneaky, but not sneaky enough

My kids sneak food from the pantry after they go to bed. I always know because they forget to turn the light off. Every. Damn. Time. I refuse to let them know what their tell is.

6. “Sweetheart, you can't hide that dirty diaper scent.”

That she pooped. Lady, I can smell your dirty diaper from across the room.

7. The secret love letters of a 10-year-old... forever written but never delivered

I know that my 10 year old writes long letters professing his love to a girl in his class but never gives them to her and throws them in the trash.

8. A 7-year-old entrepreneur running a mini snack empire on the school bus. That kid will go places

My 7 year old keeps telling me she needs snacks for class and is selling them to the Jr. High kids on the bus. 

She has made almost 60 bucks. 

Her brother ratted her out.

9. This is what real love looks like

My best friend is a lesbian. We live in Russia, it’s not safe to discuss openly, and her mom is homophobic. So, the family doesn’t know.

Her father surely knows and just avoids all the drama by pretending he doesn’t. Last small talk with him at her place was hilarious.

— Hi username, how are you? Any kids?

— Not yet, no

— Are you also one of them?

— One of whom? 

— Them - *pause, looks at his daughter* -Child free.

10. The Great Journal mystery

He likes to read my journal. 

I'm an avid writer and keep several, including my laptop.

It honestly makes me laugh because no one, since my little sister eons ago, has expressed such interest in what I write.

What he doesn't know is that the one on my laptop is my *real* one, and it's password protected. The ones I leave on my bookshelf and office are the ones that are "safe" for him to read.

It tickles me to question him about stuff he shouldn't know but *knows* because he read it in my journal.

"Son, how do you know your Aunt and I are planning a trip next weekend?"

Deer caught in headlights look.

"I must have overheard you two talking..."

"Hmmm...".

11. Good one, Dad!

I was talking to my dad about getting away with stuff when I was a kid and said, "You never knew that I would stay up reading every night with my flashlight".

He got an amused look on his face and responded, "You did that for years and never changed the batteries in that flashlight did you?"

That's when I realized he knew and was encouraging it the whole time.

12. Regular kid by day, superhero within the confines of his bedroom by night

He had a secret character/identity he dresses up as in his room with a jacket and hat and acts out some hero thing. He’s never told us what it is. Been doing it for years.

13. The secret mission to comfort in the dark. How heartwarming

My five year old sneaks into his 18 month old brother's bed every night. He thinks he's being sneaky, but I hear him crawl back into his own bed when I get up at 5am. It keeps both of them calm because our neighbors are loud and scare them often.

14. And she would have gotten away with it—if it wasn’t for that meddling flood

Not a parent, but when we were kids and one of us was sick, my parents would give us those disgusting purple Tylenol flu pills that you had to chew. My little sister would fake taking them and then stash them under the couch. Our house got flooded in a hurricane and when we pulled the couch out the carpet underneath was dyed purple from all the pills dissolving in the flood water.

15. A crime scene that tastes better than it looks

16. I wonder how long it took him to realize the truth

My nephew lied as a kid but my mother knew and called him on it. He asked how she knew (I think she actually saw him do whatever it was wrong without him realising) she said his third eye on his forehead winked when he lied.

For about 2 years afterwards, whenever he lied he would do it with one hand over his forehead. So we *always* knew. It was great.

17. Want someone who’ll take your secret to their grave? Then, find a species that can’t communicate in any known human tongue. This kid gets it

My son has a crush on a girl in school. He walks home from school every day and visits our neighbors very old dog. My son gives him belly scratches and, in exchange, my neighbors dog doesn’t tell a soul what my son tells him.

However, the dogs owner…who is “working nearby in the garden” is an excellent eavesdropper and knows everything, and she in turn shares it with me.

He will never know that I know.

18. The people who love you will always have your back

19. In rare cases, they’re not interested in keeping their misadventures a ‘secret’ at all.

Mine is still little enough to be very, very bad at hiding things. The other day he asked for a toffee. I said no. He went and got a toffee from the kitchen counter, 'hid' under the kitchen table, loudly unwrapped it, and when I still didn't react, he said 'I'm eating a toffee!'

20. Their master plan: Buy book lights with Christmas money, stay up past bedtime—flawless, right?

21. Just another day in the life of a typical 4-year-old

My niece (4 yo) wrote her brothers name on the wall and claimed he did it. Her brother was not even a year old yet.

Kids may think they have the stealth level of professional ninjas, but as these stories show, parents are always a step ahead.

So, to those sneaky little rascals who think they’re successfully pulling the wool over their parent’s eyes, well, you might want to double-check.

Jesse