15 Jokes That People Who Don’t Have Kids Will Find Hilarious

"There is no better birth control than the sound of a child screaming."

Damjan

Published in Funny
May 10, 2021

15 Jokes That People Who Don’t Have Kids Will Find Hilarious

Having kids is a personal choice and not an obligation or duty…. But people often forget that. People with kids frequently overwhelm childless people with all sorts of questions about their reproductive plans and question their motives.

It is annoying when a complete stranger starts to ask some pretty personal questions. But to be honest, it’s not more pleasant when your family and close friends start interrogating you about why you don’t want children…

Most of the time, childless people are placed in a position where they have to defend their opinion… And there is absolutely no reason for that. It’s their body, their life, and their choice. It is better to be honest about not wanting kids than having them and be a lousy parent afterward.

1. Who makes up these rules?

kind of mad that I’m not allowed a dog or a cat in my flat but I can presumably move a baby in any time I want

— Elle Hunt (@elle_hunt) June 6, 2018

2. They are not permanent at all…

Family: Why would you get tattoos? They’re expensive and painful to get and they are PERMANENT!

Also family: Have a baby :)
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) September 17, 2018

3. Family-size

Every bag of Doritos is family size when you're single and childless.
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) April 5, 2014

4. Are you realistic?

people have one baby and revolve their whole life around it. you’ve known that thing for like a month grow up
— logan (@brainwxrms) November 10, 2019

5. Expensive, isn’t it?

We spent $12,775 on daycare last year, for anyone currently using the pull out method.
— Chef Neecie (@WineWeedWife) April 17, 2018

6. It somehow makes sense….

Maybe instead of calling women without children "Childless" we should call them "Well-rested"
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 15, 2015

7. No, thanks...

When people ask if I want to hold their baby pic.twitter.com/YA8lfdpJR0
— vinny (@Vynse) January 27, 2015

8. Cry-baby

HER: Do you want to have kids?
ME: No
HER: Why not?
ME: I couldn't take all the crying
HER: They don't cry all the time
ME: No, I meant me
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 3, 2016

9. Good point...

don’t call it ‘not having children’ just tell people you aren’t kidding yourself
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 1, 2014

10. Everyone has priorities

People say " You're 40 now. You should be settling down and having kids. "

Well I'm busy at the moment making sure my dogs taco costume is ready for Halloween. pic.twitter.com/K0KWAasT6r
— Destry Monteith Broderick (@DestryBrod) September 8, 2018

11. No problem

Hey sorry I'm late, I had to hold my cat like a baby.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 10, 2015

12. Maybe later...

*someone hands me a baby*
Oh... no thank you
*places baby on the ground*
— moody monday (@mdob11) April 25, 2014

13. Screams in the night....

There is no better birth control than the sound of a child screaming.
— Lee Newton (@leenewtonsays) March 18, 2015

14. Doing nothing...

Baby giraffes can walk within minutes of birth but sure, show me more photos of your infant doing nothing, Carol.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) April 13, 2016

15. One of my own...

I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 10, 2018