Wife Holds MIL Responsible For Tense Relationship After Honeymoon Intrusion, Overlooks Husband's Approval

"You do NOT have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• August 2, 2024

A Redditor had a chilly reception from her mother-in-law since the wedding. Their relationship has been altered since her MIL insisted on turning OP's honeymoon into a family trip.

OP and her husband were supposed to have an overseas destination wedding. They canceled their wedding because of COVID-19 and got married locally.

They decided to use their original non-refundable reservations for their honeymoon. They canceled their overseas wedding early enough that none of their guests wasted money.

Some did ask if they could still go to the location. OP's MIL didn't bother to ask if they should go and assumed that she and her family would still accompany the newlyweds on their honeymoon.

After some pushback from OP, her MIL acted offended that OP barred her and her family from coming on the trip. Against OP's wishes, and without her input, her husband reassured his mom they could go on the honeymoon to appease her.

The newlyweds went on their honeymoon, and OP's new in-laws were right along with them. They stayed at a different place but made plans to have dinners and do some activities together.

Not only did they intrude on their honeymoon, but her MIL was also distant from OP the whole time. She did not acknowledge the intrusion nor thank the couple for being so gracious.

Several years later, OP's relationship with her MIL has been marred by the trip. Her husband seemed to have forgotten about it and remembers having a great time on their honeymoon.

OP's friends and family were on her side and recognized the boundaries her in-laws ignored. Still, OP wondered if the fraught relationship was her fault because she didn't want her MIL on her honeymoon.

Redditors pointed out to OP that the mess wasn't entirely her MIL's fault.

OP defended her husband and said he was put in an awkward position. He reached for the easiest solution without thinking about it.

OP should at least consider talking to her husband about enforcing stronger boundaries with his parents.

It's unfair to blame MIL for her OP's husband's inability to say no to her, or as OP called them, his people-pleasing tendencies.

Some saw the situation from her MIL's perspective and offered insight into why she went on the trip despite OP's feelings.

OP agreed that she and her husband should have talked first about their honeymoon expectations, but things happened too fast.

Others said it was OP who was entitled for expecting family and friends to avoid a place because she happened to be on her honeymoon there at the same time.

OP and her husband could have declined the invitations from his family if they wanted. That would have been the best way to establish a boundary.

OP's issue with her MIL will never be resolved as long as her husband refuses to set boundaries with her.

OP seemed to have more expectations from her MIL than she does for her husband.

The commenters asked OP what kind of relationship does she want with her MIL. If she wants it to change for the better, she has to let go of her resentment about her honeymoon.

OP's feelings about the honeymoon intrusion were not wrong. However, she needs to recognize the part her husband plays in her tenuous relationship with her MIL.

Chelsi