Practical Guy Refuses To Participate In Best Friend's Ridiculous Plan To Sell Ketchup To Local Restaurants, Gets Accused Of Ruining His Dream

He throws darts at a photo of Heinz ketchup and mutters, "I'm coming for YOU."

Chelsi

• Published in Funny
• June 10, 2023

A Reddit post about a ketchup empire has no business being this iconic. The whole post is about a Redditor's friend named Zoltar who dreams of creating a ketchup recipe that would put Heinz out of business.

The OP shared that Zoltar has been obsessed with the condiment for as long as they've known him. Zoltar has a photo of Heinz ketchup on his dartboard that he throws darts to while he utters, "I'm coming for you."

He has been perfecting his ketchup recipe over the years and believes he has made the best one yet. OP tried the ketchup and agreed that it was not terrible. To Zoltar, it was the time to strike fear into the heart of Big Ketchup.

He will need his friends' help to succeed, and OP will play a key role. Zoltar wrote a sketch set in a restaurant, complete with lines for his cast of characters.

Their friend group will go to a restaurant and sit at separate tables. One friend will call over a waiter and comment that although he liked their fries, he hated their ketchup.

Another friend will butt in, apologize for interrupting, but agree that the ketchup is too old-fashioned. This impromptu condiment Yelp review will be repeated on several tables until Zoltar chimes in.

Zoltar will take the spotlight, introduce himself as a ketchup chef, and produce samples of the ketchup he conveniently carries around. The patrons will then proclaim Zoltar's ketchup as the best of its kind.

OP will stand on his table, make trumpet sound effects, and yell at everyone to try the best ketchup ever made

One of them will call the manager, convince them to buy a shipment of ketchup, and the foundation to Zoltar's empire is built

They are supposed to repeat this "play" in several restaurants all over the city

OP immediately declined to participate and told Zoltar that his idea is dumb and crazy which offended the would-be ketchup magnate

Their friends respect Zoltar's hustle and took his side which made OP question if he acted like a jerk for going against his friend's ketchup dreams

I will choose to believe that this story is 100% true because it is too good to be fake

What do you mean? Those lines are so believeable and realistic!

Zoltar's dreams are too voluminous to be contained by mere rules and regulations

Getting banned from one restaurant will not deter him from achieving his ketchup empire

Zoltar is thinking too small. He should be the waiter in his play, that way he controls the whole dialogue. You can't rely on a random waiter, too many variables.

OP's blunt opinion of Zoltar's dreams were too forward which is why he was offended

If OP wants to extend an olive branch, not for the ketchup recipe, he can help Zoltar by researching what they should actually do so he can start his condiment business

Obviously, Zoltar's dreams are lofty to be understood by mere plebs like us and OP

The world may laugh at him, but such is the curse of genius

Remy has nothing on Zoltar's precise taste buds

This was my personal favorite from Zoltar's script

It is a humble title for a man of his calibre

A genuine businessman like him is ready to meet all demands any time, any day

I have a lot of questions. I want to know why OP was given such a pivotal role and when did Zoltar decide OP was the best person to make trumpet sound effects?

I hope this friend group is still intact and hustling. It's important for Zoltar to be surrounded by people who will support him no matter what and someone who will make sure he stays humble & grounded.

Chelsi