Insane Inventions In History That Need to Stay In The Past
Sometimes in today's wild day and age, we find ourselves perplexed, amused, or even outraged by the latest crazes and inventions reaching the shelves of our favorite shopping locations. The Internet regularly provides us with opportunities to buy the most interesting and absurd gadgets on the planet. Yet despite all that, we really have come a long way.
As history has shown us in so very many capacities, we used to be even weirder than we are today. The generations of our grandparents and great-grandparents produced some of the oddest objects in all avenues of life and just like today, there was no shortage of unusual inventions being pushed onto the public under the guise that their lives will be easier, or at least more interesting...
While the inventions of the past we're going to ponder over today are perplexing, to say the least, they are real... and we're definitely glad they have remained in the past.
1. The Hair Curling Machine
As I look at this photograph I envision the potential horror that could come about from such a peculiar device. This 1930's invention promised women "permanent waves" that would never be ruined by the rain. Somehow, I doubt that promise lasted long.
Getty Images2. Walk While You Sit Device
Thanks to Mister Walter Nilsson in the 1930's anyone could simultaneously sit and walk, which is basically a dream come true, right? Um, sure.
Getty Images3. The Building Baby Cage
What better way to entertain your infant than to attach a cage to the outside window of your tall London building and stick the little ones out there? Apparently in the 1930's, there was no better way for awhile. If you think this sounds absurd, you'd probably be surprised to know that even Eleanor Roosevelt bought a chicken-wire cage for her daughter Anna. Of course, Eleanor also proclaimed that she “knew absolutely nothing about handling or feeding a baby," and when she stuck baby Anna outside her New York City apartment window for an afternoon nap... a concerned neighbor threatened to report her to the authorities. And some people today think swings are bad?
Getty Images4. Rocket Bicycle
Have you ever wanted to ride away into the sunset on a rocket-propelled bicycle that has a high probability of exploding? German engineer Richter did, apparently, when he mounted 12 rockets onto the back wheel of a bicycle. Sure, it gave him the ability to reach an incredible speed of 90kph, but Richter was lucky to survive when it exploded and threw him off.
Getty Images5. The Family Bike
Ah, what better way to bond as the Nuclear Family than to all sit upon one device together? Charles Steinlauf had the idea: Dad at the helm, son at the rear, little daughter enjoying the view, and of course mom sewing. This one definitely belongs in the past.
Getty Images6. The Toilet Mask
Perhaps this invention didn't stick around because of the bizarre name? This Victorian face mask promised the women who wore it over night three times per week that their skin would be "silky soft, smoother and brighter." We prefer to use the nick-name "Face Glove," because Toilet Mask just sounds so unpleasant.
Getty Images7. Multi-Men Shaving Machine
I feel like there is a horror movie somewhere with a device similar to this contraption... this 19th century invention must have been a dream come true for the busy barber but based on the petrified looks on the faces of the 12 men strapped in for the ride... not so much for anyone else.
Getty Images8. The Dimple Maker
I mean, dimples are absolutely precious, aren't they? Well back in the 1930's they were such an envious beauty mark that someone invented a device that would poke holes in your face to simulate dimples if you wore it long enough. This woman is demonstrating it at The Inventor's Congress in Chicago. Today, people just get plastic surgery if they want dimples they were not born with.
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9. Wash Away Fat Soap
Alright, my tub of jiggly fat was initially excited about this blast from the past! In the 1930's a Central London store released this advertisement for a soap that could "wash away fat and years of age." If only La-Mar Reducing Soap really did act "like magic in reducing double chin and ungainly ankle," we would all still be enjoying it today. Nice try, though!
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10. The Poker Face Mask
Alright, stop humming the Lady Gaga tune in your head and read up. This 1930's linen face mask was the perfect solution to anyone who couldn't win a poker game if their life depended on it because their tell would give them away. Not that we don't appreciate the concept, but doesn't that take the fun out of poker?
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