15-Year-Friendship Ends After An Ill-Conceived Infertility "Joke" And A Canceled $12,000 Check

"Bullies always blame the victim and it seems like you know a lot of them."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• November 12, 2022

The people who love you the most can also cut you the deepest. They know exactly where to hit you where it hurts and in one wrong move, your best and oldest friend is suddenly your worst enemy.

Fights and misunderstandings are normal in friendships. They test the strength of your bond and your ability to communicate grievances.

Sometimes these fights can actually lead to a fallout that is irreconcilable. Things can get ugly before the inevitable end of the friendship.

It took one "joke" to break a fifteen-year friendship between two women. OP is 35 years old and her friend Alessia is 32 — both of them are infertile.

OP used to be married but has since been divorced due to this. Her husband remarried someone younger and has a child with her already with another one on the way.

OP is still hurt by what happened in their marriage and has relied on her best friends for support, especially Alessia. She and Alessia have gotten even closer because of their shared experience.

Allesia recently asked for OP's financial help with an upcoming IVF cycle. OP readily wrote her friend a $12,000 check with no strings attached.

That happened a week ago and Alessia has been grateful according to OP. The day after OP wrote a check, she got a message from their mutual friend Carol.

Carol sent OP a screenshot of her conversation with Alessia. In the messages, they were discussing her upcoming IVF cycle.

Alessia expressed how she really wanted it to work because she didn't want to end up like OP. Someone who ended up divorced while her ex is married to someone younger and already has two kids.

She "joked" about not wanting to be like OP who is 35 years old and alone

OP was hurt by what she said but chose not to confront Alessia directly. Instead, she called her bank and canceled the check.

That evening, Alessia called to ask why OP canceled the check and OP told her what Carol said. Alessia tensely replied that she meant it as an "inside joke" between "desperate infertile women."

She and her husband went to OP's house, begging her to write them another check. Alessia's husband accused OP of not being supportive the same way Alessia was to her.

Her husband has been calling OP to remind her of their next IVF cycle while simultaneously accusing Carol of being a toxic snake. He said they can't go through with the procedure after OP took the money they were supposed to use to pay for it.

Some of their friends have said OP was too sensitive with the "joke" while Carol is staunchly on her side, advising her to tell everyone else to go to hell. OP feels bad but did she do the right thing?

If Alessia's husband is calculating who is the better friend, he should factor in OP's generous no-strings-attached $12,000 check

They never were so generous with OP but she still helped them without hesitation

OP has every right to stand on this hill and die on it. There is acceptable reason for Alessia to joke about what she did.

OP's or anyone else's worth is not determined by their ability to bear children. Your actions and words have more to say about your legacy — looking at you Alessia & husband!

It can take a while but people will always, always reveal who they are

Instead of bragging about having a great friend like OP, Alessia and her husband went the opposite direction and absolutely shattered any friendship they had

Silver lining is their other friends now have the opportunity to show the same kind of generosity towards Alessia

There was no empathy or remorse but they still had the gall to keep asking OP for money

OP needs to surround herself with better friends — people like Carol who always have her back

It must have sucked when OP found out what her "friend" really thought about her. She and Carol deserve a nice long break far away from people like Alessia.

Alessia doesn't even qualify as a friend, let alone someone deserving of OP's generous gift

It's not really an inside joke. Everything else Alessia and her husband did after is just damage control.

How can you ask someone for help and simultaneously look down on them for something out of their control?

Everything that happened after the "joke" is not OP's fault. It's just the natural consequence of Alessia's cruelty.

It looks like OP is only keeping her actual friends and doing away with the rest

Alessia didn't count on Carol being such a good friend to OP. Without Carol, OP would have been $12,000 poorer with such trash friends in her life.

The "joke" is not funny no matter how you interpret it. It was a cruel mockery of a friend who, just a few hours ago, gave you the money to finally realize your dream despite the fact that she can't have it herself.

Chelsi