What Seems Positive Could Be Red Flag—Dating Expert Warns About Commonly Misunderstood Traits

"He should not be pulling out all the stops to 'win you over.' You aren’t a prize to be won."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• September 10, 2024

Dating and relationships would be much easier if they came with instruction manuals. While not one guide fits all molds, relationship advice from experts helps weed out the "frogs" from the dating pool.

Dating coach and licensed therapist Kelsey Wonderlin aimed to do just that when she shared an Instagram video revealing seven red flags in men that seemed like good qualities on the surface. Wonderlin said these seven qualities were meant to win over women and woo them.

She argued that these seemingly good qualities masked a deeper issue. Women, she continued, were socialized to look for someone who would court them and sweep them off their feet.

However, in its traditional sense, courtship fails to reveal a potential suitor's true important qualities, such as emotional intelligence, maturity, and core values. Focusing on the temporary rush of the rose-colored stage of the relationship could lead to trouble, as emotionally aware partners should be interested in you instead of wooing you.

The dating coach said this intense dating phase could be a precursor to an abusive relationship. So, before you find yourself in a relationship you can't easily get out of, watch out for these seven fake green flags Wonderlin outlined to her 100k followers.

Her advice might save you from rushing headfirst into your next dating mistake!

1. A well-meaning partner should be intent to know you instead of putting their 100% into chasing you.

2. First date tabs are usually on the person who asked the other out on a date. Splitting the bill from then on is the way to go, she said.

3. Too much, too soon is never a good sign. If he stole a blue French horn and said "I love you," after the first date, run and don't give your dogs away!

4. Courtship can make it more difficult to assess compatibility as the gestures associated with it can be distracting.

5. "When one person leads in a dynamic, BY DESIGN, one person leads and one person follows," Wonderlin explained.

6. Your partner should be their own person. While it could be flattering to be someone else's world, their life shouldn't be centered on you alone.

7. If a date gets too attached too early in the relationship, it's time for good old boundaries.

Wonderlin's video received mixed reactions from her audience.

A fellow therapist strongly disagreed.

While some saw where she was coming from.

Plenty of her followers were confused.

While others saw their own experiences mirrored.

The rest, who couldn't quite fathom her points, asked for genuine guidance.

Wonderlin's parting words are to remember that we are not prizes for each other to win. Equal partnership means recognizing the wholeness and individuality of your significant other.

Did Wonderlin's message resonate with you? Do you think she's right that these qualities others may mistake for green flags are actually warning signs of a potentially problematic partner or is it the dating coach's way of scouting for potential clients?

Chelsi