5 Quirky, Odd, And Outright Embarrassing Facts About The Founding Fathers That No History Lesson Will Teach You

With great power comes great quirkiness, and these facts prove it!

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• April 10, 2024

Imagine this: It’s the Fourth of July, the barbecue is sizzling, fireworks are lighting up the sky, and you're feeling particularly patriotic. You think to yourself, “Ah, the founding fathers, those paragons of virtue and freedom. I bet they never did any wrongs!”

But what if I told you there's more to these icons than meets the eye? Forget the cherry tree-chopping myths and the solemn declarations for a moment. We’re talking about the quirky, the awkward, and the downright embarrassing antics that our history teachers conveniently skipped over. 

Yes, even the most esteemed members of our nation's past had their moments that wouldn't make it into the dignified portraits hanging in the halls of history. Buckle up because we're about to take a rollicking ride through history's lesser-known corridors, where the stories are a tad less heroic and a lot more... human.

Think of it as history's version of reality TV, but without scripted drama and with a lot more gasp-worthy tea. By the end of this journey, you'll have enough amusing anecdotes to be the life of any party—or at least the most intriguing history buff in the room. 

So, let's dive into the weird, the funny, and the downright embarrassing facts about the founding fathers that didn't make it into your school textbooks. Trust me, it's going to be a revolutionary revelation!

Benjamin Franklin

Ol’ Ben was quite the Renaissance man, even in matters most would rather not discuss at the dinner table. He once penned an essay urging the brainiest minds to make farts smell better. Yes, you read that right. Franklin essentially wanted to turn toots into eau de toilette.

He was also centuries ahead of his time, advocating for spelling reform that mirrors today’s textspeak. Franklin preferred “Tho,” “thru,” and “nite” over words like “though,” “through,” and “night.”

And let’s not forget his distaste for the bald eagle as America’s symbol. He called it “a bird of bad moral character” that “does not get his living honestly.”

Truly, Franklin was the 18th-century troll we all needed.

John Adams

Interestingly, Adams had a dog named Satan that lived in the White House. He also signed the Alien and Sedition Acts, which made criticizing the government a punishable offense.

George Washington

Washington proved himself the OG of library delinquents by racking up a whopping $300,000 in late fees after failing to return two books from the New York Society Library.

On July 4th, 1754, during the French & Indian War, Washington not only surrendered to enemy forces but accidentally took responsibility for war crimes. Apparently, he signed the French-written official surrender document without understanding a single word.

You won't believe that Washington was shocked after realizing that Chinese people weren't white. Also, he was so scared of being buried prematurely that he requested (in his will) that his body be kept above ground for three days before being buried.

Alexander Hamilton

Hamilton’s political career crashed and burned over a steamy affair. He was the original star of “Politicians Gone Wild.”

Thomas Jefferson

Before Lewis and Clark set out on their expedition, Jefferson warned them to keep an eye out for giant sloths. Because, obviously, what’s more American than encountering mythical creatures?

He and John Adams also went on a bit of a historical vandalism spree. They chipped off pieces of Shakespeare’s chair in his house as a keepsake. Talk about leaving your mark on history—literally.

So, there you have it—our founding fathers in all their quirky glory. It’s clear these icons were as flawed and fascinating as the rest of us, and somehow, that makes it all the more beautiful.

Which fact about these icons shocked you the most? Let's hear it in the comments below!

Jesse