Redditor Wants To Honor Biological Mother By Changing Middle Name, Adoptive Parents Don't Like That At All

"My bio mom cried tears of joy when I told her. My adoptive parents are pissed off."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• July 14, 2023

Adoption can be a beautifully complex journey, filled with unique challenges and discoveries. Adopted children sometimes uncover their adoption story in unexpected and often emotional ways.

It is not uncommon for them to feel a whirlwind of emotions - anger, confusion, and curiosity about their biological parents. Sometimes, they might idealize their birth parents as a way to cope with feelings of abandonment.

Now, consider the story of one person, our OP, who was adopted at birth. Her adoptive parents and they have managed to develop a good relationship over time, but it wasn't always so smooth.

In her teenage years, OP discovered about her adoption in a truly painful way. At 16, a disgruntled relative, driven by spite, let the truth slip out during a family argument. It took a toll on OP, leading her to therapy at 18, a practice she has continued over the years.

The fallout from the discovery led to OP severing ties with her parents from the ages of 18 to 23. OP felt alienated and hurt, feelings her parents initially failed to understand. However, as time passed, her parents apologized, sought therapy themselves, and gradually rebuilt their relationship with OP.

The parents eventually supported OP's search for her biological family. OP's biological mother shared that she had originally named the Summer. Upon learning this, OP, who recently got married and was changing her last name, decided to change her middle name to Summer.

Her biological mother was moved to tears by OP's decision, but OP's adoptive parents were less enthusiastic.

OP asks:

OP was adopted at birth, and found out about it in the worst possible way

OP found their birth mom

She decided to change her middle name

OP posted some edits:

The former middle name didn't have any sentimental value

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

"Adoptive parents have to take all the risk and do all the work of raising a child"

Why do they care if there is no sentimental value?

Her journey, her name...

This Redditor is adopted, and shared their views:

Nine months of pregnancy are nothing compared to raising a child

Even though their adoptive parents felt hurt by this decision, it's essential to remember that OP had every right to reclaim a piece of their birth identity. It was not about erasing anyone from their life but rather embracing all aspects of their identity - both adoptive and biological.

OP was mad at their parents, cut off communication for a few years, and started therapy. But it doesn't seem like their parents were terrible; they just made a big mistake by not being upfront about the adoption.

Eventually, they said sorry, started therapy themselves, and even helped OP find their birth mom. While OP has every right to be upset about how they found out about being adopted, holding a grudge against their parents seems a bit harsh. After all, they made a genuine effort to fix things.

Damjan