Bartender Boyfriend Wants His Higher Income Girlfriend To Pick Up The Tab When They Go Out Because She Makes More Money Than Him

"It feels like he's setting you up for paying for him as much as possible."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• September 1, 2023

The stark difference in their income is causing friction in a young couple's relationship. The OP earns 70k annually and makes significantly more than her boyfriend.

He, on the other hand, works as a bartender. There are times when he doesn't work at all, but most weeks, he is scheduled to work for just four days.

OP's boyfriend is aware of how she got into a stable financial state. She had a difficult upbringing, and she worked her butt off to get out of that position.

She went to the cheapest college she could find and enrolled in an affordable program. She wasn't passionate about her major, but she knew she could get a stable job once she graduated.

She worked so much that she got several spinal injuries. When she finally graduated, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.

He took their car and anything valuable in their apartment. It took several months for OP to recover from her surgery and the sudden financial loss she suffered.

She landed her current job recently. OP has been working on her financial safety net since then.

She has enough savings and earns enough for her to say she can live comfortably. Unfortunately, money is a sore topic between her and her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend says friends who earn significantly more should pay for meals when they dine out

OP doesn't think that's a good way to look at things. She said she was once in their position, so she doesn't see why she should dole out her hard-earned money carelessly.

She told her boyfriend that expecting things from wealthier friends is entitled.

She had to scrimp and save to prioritize her future. She shouldn't be expected to pay for people who haven't done that.

"Whatever," her boyfriend said. Just like that, the topic was shut down.

She also wanted Redditors to know that she pays for most meals when she and her boyfriend are out on dates. OP doesn't know if she said anything wrong.

Commenters called OP out for thinking that people who earn less are not working as hard as she does

OP said she understood and that when she said those things, she was actually thinking of her boyfriend who isn't applying himself as much as he should. As for splitting bills, we can see why OP has such strong feelings about it.

They also questioned why OP felt that she had to include the backstory about her cheating ex-boyfriend who emptied out their apartment

OP said she felt it was needed for context. She wanted to show she worked hard for what she has and that she hasn't been financially stable for a long time.

Picking up the tab from time to time is a treat, not an expectation. Besides, if a friend agrees to go out, you have to assume they have the money to pay for their own food.

It definitely seems like OP is putting way too much into this relationship which enables her boyfriend to slack

In a good relationship, couples will inspire each other to work harder to reach a common goal. That it not the case in OP's relationship.

His boyfriend probably feels strongly about OP footing the bill because it's what he has been doing all this time

OP should consider being by herself for a while. It could be good for her to be on her own without the expectations that comes when you are in a relationship.

OP sounds way too young to be anyone's sugar mommy. She and her boyfriend are adults — if she is able to take care of herself, why isn't he?

OP clearly knows her boyfriend isn't working as hard as he should, and yet he has all of these expectations for her. He is getting more out of this relationship than she is.

Chelsi