Redditor Asks How To Compromise With A Roommate Who Demands Her To Stay In Her Room After Midnight

"Dan has been saying that he does not want me to leave my room for any reason at all after midnight"

Filip

• Published in Interesting
• September 9, 2023

Living with a roommate who refuses to compromise can be very stressful. This lack of flexibility can create tension in shared living spaces and make daily interactions uncomfortable.

This crisis also happened to a Reddit user, so she reached out to the Reddit community looking for advice. The OP is a 20-year-old female, and she has been living with two friends.

One is Dan, whom she has known since university, and another is a female roommate, aged 21. Before they started to live together, the OP and Dan had an open conversation about nighttime disturbances.

Recalling his past experiences with a previous roommate's loud late-night activities, Dan had expressed his desire for a quieter environment. The OP assured him of her understanding and commitment to maintaining peace.

However, after they moved in, unexpected challenges appeared. Dan expressed his discomfort with the noise that the OP made while brushing her teeth around 2 a.m.

Empathetic to his concerns, the OP began adjusting her nighttime routines, such as tiptoeing and being gentle with bathroom doors, attempting to minimize disruptions. But soon, the situation became even more complicated.

Dan told her that he didn’t want her to leave her room post-midnight at all, attributing his heightened sensitivity to traumas from his childhood. Although the OP has tried to be considerate, her recently diagnosed ADHD poses challenges for consistently adjusting her routines, especially her regular 2 a.m. bedtime.

But she wanted to compromise, so she suggested potential solutions like using the white noise machines or earplugs. Unfortunately, Dan wasn't interested.

Dan's trauma also impacts his ability to contribute to household chores which strains their relationship further. So, the OP is inquiring for advice on how to resolve their differences peacefully.

Here is the OP's issue:

The OP's roommate is a light sleeper and can't stand noise at night:

He demanded that she not leave her room after midnight at all because it disturbs him:

The OP tried to comply with his request but failed:

She also tried to compromise but to no avail:

So, she's asking for advice on how to handle their differences:

Dan has unreasonable demands

The OP replied

The OP can't be held hostage in her room

His requests are unfair

"This isn’t about traumas it’s about control"

"My advice is to stop babying this grown man"

"You're trying to accommodate him but this is extreme"

Living with a roommate who doesn't prioritize compromise can be exhausting. When cohabitation becomes a series of concessions from one side, the living environment can feel imbalanced and unfair.

So, while the OP showed a willingness to adapt and suggested creative solutions, her efforts weren’t reciprocated. It seems like Dan is not willing to compromise, but he is willing to make various requests.

Therefore, Redditors advised the OP to find another place to live. They believe that Dan's issues are about controlling since it's his apartment they live in.

Redditors also agreed that his demands are extreme and unfair, and no one should live under those conditions.

Filip