Overwhelmed Dog Owner Contemplates Rehoming Troublesome, Adopted Pet Despite Partner's Disapproval

"The dog misbehaves constantly and drives me absolutely nuts."

May

• Published in Interesting
• March 1, 2024

Many of the energetic and playful behaviors we observe in puppies tend to fade with time and consistent early training. An unruly dog, however, is one that continues to pose challenges for its owner beyond puppyhood, typically around 6 to 9 months of age.

Prior to this stage, puppies might exhibit excitement, be challenging to control, or resist training, but such behaviors are often considered within the spectrum of normal puppy development and can be managed with time and patience.

An excitable, unruly, or disobedient dog, on the other hand, persists in displaying behaviors such as ignoring commands, pulling excessively on the leash, jumping on people, incessantly barking for attention, stealing items, or causing general chaos in the household, even after diligent training efforts.

This problem becomes even tougher when the owner has larger breeds. One Quora user is having this issue with her dog.

The frustrated woman mentions that she adopted a pet but is thinking of rehoming it because its behavior is driving her crazy. Unfortunately, she can't easily do so because her partner wants it to stay.

This is her question:

I adopted a dog now regret it. The dog misbehaves constantly and drives me absolutely nuts. My fiancé refuses to let me rehome him and says it’s either me or the dog. What should I do?

One dog owner gets real about having a new dog.

I have never not had a dog for very long. I love them, I enjoy them and I just like my life better when I have a dog.

HOWEVER, if I am being honest, with each and every one I have ever had, trained and loved, there was a brief period of regret. It comes (for me) in the beginning.

When I realize that I have signed myself up for so much added work. For example, after the 6th night of sleeping on the floor, away from my husband to comfort my little Yorkie who just had a hard time adjusting to his new home.

New smells, noises, away from his Mama and siblings. (It took about 8 days for him to settle in) But, that 6th night on the floor…the regret set in.

WHY would I do this to myself again? What if he doesn't work out or never settles?

What if he pees so much my carpets smell or my hardwood floors buckle? (Yes, I realize the ridiculousness of that last statement. lol) It helps me to remember that this is just the beginning and it's hard on BOTH the dog and me.

We are learning eachother, figuring out personalities, etc. Maybe he was regretting winding up in our home. It also helps to remember that this too shall pass.

It's not always going to be the hard stuff. We must get the hard stuff out of the way before we can have a happy, less stressful, good relationship.

We must do the work. The regret recedes and before you know it, it's forgotten about or a distant memory of a different stage in our journey together.

It just goes away with every “good boy!” moment or the first triumphant scratch at the door to pee, or when suddenly you realize that you have a well adjusted, well behaved 2 or 3 year old dog that you can't even imagine life without.

Maybe give it some more time, my friend. It's ok to feel regretful as long as you don't sit in that feeling for too long. Good luck.

The OP needs to give her dog a chance.

My husband has a friend who is a nurse. She was at an assisted living place where a puppy was being sneaked into various resident’s apartments and fed and loved on.

The guy who ran the place finally found out about it and said either a home is found for the puppy or he would call the pound. Well, she told my husband, who called me, and asked if we wanted a puppy.

I said of course we did and he brought him home. He turned out to be a long, long red dachshund, basset hound mix.

He was adorable,but he was a holy terror. Wherever we put him, he found a way out.

We put a gate across our hallway and he slithered up and over it like the Grinch. He ate my son’s video games, he got into the garbage and strewed it all over the house.

It was like a shark feeding frenzy. He was horrible and was driving us crazy.

My son and I told each other we were about fed up enough to send him back, but we knew we would not do that, we were just venting.

So, time went on, Rocky became a good, much calmer dog, we could only put him on a tie out on a tree for a couple of hours at a time, because he refused to poop on a leash. He could not be put into a fenced yard, because he is an escape artist.

He could not be allowed to run outside and do his business and then have us expect him to come back in the house, because having the nose of a dachshund and basset hound combined meant he would let that little nose of his lead him miles away and just keep going. He was definitely a learning experience for the whole family.

Now, he is eleven years old and we love him so much, even though he still drives us nuts if he finds some garbage to get into or when he paces back and forth from bedrooms to living room and back again. He is slowing down, especially in the past half year, since we lost his dog brother, our German Shepherd/Lab mix in December.

I am glad we gave him the chance to become part of our family and we didn’t give up on him.

Give your pup a chance, get him some training and you will find he will be the best friend you ever had.

User gives the OP a condensed guide in FAQ style. And in the end, warns the OP about her partner.

I am an animal lover and believe that the right home is more important than a forever home. Because forever is a very long time to be in the wrong home.

Can you make your home the right home for your new dog? Possibly, yes.

Without knowing much about the situation I will assume you have not hired a professional trainer since you didn’t mention anything about training so that would be the first step. Professional training can make a significant difference.

I would try that first and make sure you are hiring a reputable trainer by reading plenty of reviews or asking for referrals.

The age of the dog is very important also. If he is very young, the behavior may be something he will grow out of over time.

Is the dog getting plenty of attention and exercise? Does he have lots of toys?

A long walk can tire him out and make a huge difference. You can even hire someone to do this for you if you don’t have time or aren’t in a good physical condition.

Is he on a regular routine or are things sporadic in the household? Dogs like routine and can become filled with anxiety when things are off with their routine.

You don’t have to sit and watch the clock, but try to keep things as close to normal as possible.

Is he being left alone for long periods? This will also increase the dog’s anxiety which can be reflected in his behavior.

If he’s nervous or stressed he may chew on things more often or have more accidents because he can’t hold it. Think of yourself, do you need to use the bathroom with more urgency when stressed?

Does he live in a noisy environment? Like an apartment building?

If so, play some soft background music to muffle outside sounds.

Look into calming products for dogs. There are many different types.

Look at Petsmart or Chewy for options.

Does he like his dog food? Does he show interest in it or does he seem to only eat it when he gets really hungry?

If it’s the latter he may not like it and that can make him act out.

Is your dog spayed/neutered? If not then you need to do that ASAP.

It can make a dramatic difference in behavior.

If you have done all these things and the dog is still misbehaving, ask the vet for medication options that might calm him down.

Is there a chance you have just realized that you don’t enjoy dogs full time? And that the dog itself is wearing on your nerves and even under the best of circumstances you may not enjoy having him/her?

If that is the case, the dog would be better off in a different home where someone might enjoy his company more and who may be more patient with his behavior. It sounds like your fiancé may be this person.

Your fiancé is dealing with the same dog yet wants to keep him/her. That goes to show that the dog’s behavior is more tolerable for some than others.

You could run into the same situation when you have children. If a dog not being perfect is stressing you out you may be in for a rude awakening with a newborn baby.

If your fiancé is giving you an ultimatum before you’re even married and is willing to choose a dog over you, it sounds like a situation that all parties need to reconsider. Your fiancé doesn’t sound particularly attached to you and seems more attached to the dog.

Maybe your fiancé and the dog could live happily ever after and you could find a new partner who isn’t much of a dog person either.

It takes a lot of hard work and many things may be destroyed before you get a well-behaved canine companion.

My husband and I adopted a pug many years ago, and he was only a year old, but we were his 5th home. He had been returned to the lady we adopted him from twice, so he got bounced around a lot.

She said the last family kept him for one night and then brought him back. Our first night with him, he must have been excited and nervous, because he was running around like crazy, jumping on the couches, and pooped on both of our couches in a matter of seconds, like a little poop tornado.

I suspect something similar happened with the last home and they decided it was too much. He never did this again, and now he’s been a part of our family for over 10 years and is stubborn as hell, but has been a great dog.

We had to be patient with him for years, but when you adopt a pet, you honor that commitment unless there is no other option(like if the animal is violent and actually harms other pets/people in the home and you cannot keep them separated while attempting to train out the violent behavior, it’s probably best to find a qualified person with time to commit to the dog).

If you really think you can’t honor the commitment you made, then let your fiancé keep the dog and find a new partner who doesn’t want pets. Pets aren’t disposable, and it’s a real problem right now as many people adopted a pet during quarantine, but now are returning them because they don’t have as much time for them.

Much like a marriage or having kids, don’t go into pet adoption lightly. If you aren’t sure you want a pet, volunteer to foster for a local shelter for awhile to see if you are actually a pet person or not.

Don’t just adopt a pet and decide they’re too much work. You have to train them, and they’re likely to always make mistakes.

I have a dog who used to chew stuff up, and we mostly got her to stop. She still nibbles on my laundry when I’m sorting it and my pjs often have little holes in them, but I am okay with that small infraction.

She used to dig large holes all the time, but now it’s very rare for her to dig even a small hole. My dogs used to chase my chickens, but now they both can hang out in the yard with them without bothering them. It takes time and work to train bad behavior out of pets, and if you aren’t willing to do that, don’t get a pet.

And if your fiancé says it’s the dog or you, well, you have your answer. Do you love your fiancé more than the inconvenience of a dog that annoys you? If the answer is no, your doing them a favor by leaving before committing to a marriage.

Bad behavior in dogs is all the owner's fault, according to this user.

If I see a dog behaving badly, I blame the owner.

Take it for lots of runs and exercise. A well exercised dog is much easier to train.

Bad behavior in dogs is all the owner's fault, according to this user.

If a dog misbehaves, it is usually the human’s fault. The human has failed to properly train the dog and establish dominance in the ways dogs understand.

You have an option besides having you or the dog leave. You and your fiancé can go to doggie training with him so you learn how to understand and manage him.

One more thing: If a dog misbehaves it can be because he senses tension among other members of his “pack,” namely you and your fiancé. The dog’s behavior may be the effect, not the cause, of your friction.

The OP needs to acknowledge that achieving good behavior in a dog requires dedication and hard work. She must give it a chance.

She can refer to training videos to learn how to train the dog independently. If she has the resources, she can also hire a trainer and commit to implementing consistent training techniques while maintaining patience and persistence.

May