Women Reflect Back On Their Experiences As Teenagers Dating Older Men And We Should Pay Attention

When you're a teenager, an age gap says a lot more than age gaps between two adults.

Elana

• Published in Interesting
• July 27, 2020

Teenagers get a lot of flack for not being very smart or for making poor choices, but the reality is that how smart they are may have little to no effect on their ability to make wise choices. Research suggests that the "rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so."

In the thick of it, it's hard to imagine there is anything concerning about a teenage girl dating an older man, but that's far from the truth. When you have a brain still developing and "good judgment isn’t something they can excel in" yet, it's the prime setup for manipulation and abuse.

These women answered the question posed by one Reddit user, "Women who “dated” older men as teenagers that now realize they were predators, what’s your story?" The answers can give a lot of perspective and a lot to think about, so pay attention.

1. When you're 15, you think you have it all figured out until you're in way over your head.

I was 15 and definitely didn’t understand A THING about love or danger, I found out that he was married and had a child because he literally disappeared and I was trying to find out what happened.

-chickenwing-coffee

2. Things could have gotten far worse.

I’ll put it my experience in here while I’m at it. I was 14, he was 21 and I thought it was cool that he had a car and could buy alcohol.

Luckily I didn’t interact with this person for more than a few months.

– pizzaroll94

3. They're looking for someone who meets specific criteria, ladies.

I was 15 with a 21 year old. He hung around youth group and made all us younger girls feel special with his attention. I was shy and quiet, didn’t stand out much, but obviously wanted the special attention that all the prettier, peppier girls got. He wasn’t interested until he found out my mom worked nights and I was home alone.

We ended up getting into a pretty heated argument and split when, two weeks in, I still hadn’t let him come over because I was terrified of what my mom would do if she knew I’d had ANYONE over while she was gone.

- NurseNotJoy

4. This dude belongs in prison.

I was 11 and he was 23.

We didn’t date (he had a girlfriend) but he would (s)text me. Eventually I realized it was strange and blocked him.

Didn’t tell anyone about it. I sometimes wonder if it’s impacted me more than I would care to admit.

– goldenphoenix16

5. Ohhhhh god.

My mother found older boys to introduce me to when I was 15/16. She would take me to coffee shops or sneak me into bars and charm her way with men in their 20s only to introduce them to me. I would date them, and she would get chores done around the house that she needed.

Painted kitchen, fixed cabinets, roof work, stuff like that. I remember my best friends mom trying to warn me and explain to me why it was wrong of my mother to let her 15 year old date 25 year olds, but I just thought I was really cool.

It wasnt until one of them found me online and reached out a few years ago, that I realized what she’d actually been doing all that time.

And of course, none of these guys knew what the fuck they were doing so the house looked like shit anyways.

– operachick209

6. Who gives these dudes jobs at schools?

He was my guidance counselor.

I didn’t realize how creepy he was until he proposed.

The whole thing was fucked.

– z0mbiegrl

7. Shoutout to the good mom who went into mama bear mode to protect her cub.

My first boyfriend- I was barely 15, he was 21. Worked in a local shop and all the girls at my school liked him so came as a bit of a surprise when the biggest dork ever (me) somehow landed him and not any of the popular girls.

We dated for maybe 4 months, turned out he was sleeping with 3 girls in my year which I found confusing because I’d begged him to take my virginity to no avail. Always found that really weird and insulting that he never even wanted to sleep with me.

Plot twist: my mum had stormed into the shop when we first started dating and told him, ‘if you take my daughter’s virginity, I will kill you with my bare hands.’

God bless my mum.

– bbbccccddddd

8. Not the best cop, huh?

I was 14 and dated a 25 year old cop. He never asked my age and I never told.

One day were chatting on phone and I told him that I got some homework to do and I’ll call back later. He said freshmen year of college getting to ya huh? I said, college? I’m in high school. Dead silence, then he asked how old I was and I said 14.

He freaked out and was saying I’m gonna go to jail for this and I’m gonna lose my job. He said I can’t see you again and please don’t tell anyone. I said yeah of course.

I got why he was scared and I never saw him again and never told.

– geri73

9. A classic move is noting how "mature" the teenage girl is.

I was 15 and met a 30 year old who was an older brother of a boy I met in group therapy. He used to tell me how complicated and mature I was (lol so cliché).

I’m now 24 and seeing or interacting with anyone who is 15 makes me sick. I felt so old then but it’s insane now how obvious to me that people that age are children.

– Nini423

10. It changes you.

I dated a 28 year old when I was 13 and thought it was perfectly normal. He always complimented me, bought me stuff, and drove me places when I needed a ride. Looking back now I can’t believe I didn’t realize how fucked up that was.

To this day he can’t find someone to date that’s his age (I’m 24 now) from what I heard from rumors.

– katdunks

11. It's interesting how your thought process changes the older you get.

It honestly never clicked for me until I was MUCH older myself. I just thought I was super mature and that’s why it wasn’t weird that I was 14 with a 19 year old boyfriend. It was a super toxic relationship, he cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me and lied about me so much.

He pretty much only came around when he wanted to get laid and would tell me whatever he thought I needed to hear to keep stringing me along. In my naïveté, I thought this was just how “grownup” relationships were.

So I stayed, until I finally got fed up at 18 years old! Isn’t it funny that when I was finally old enough to date him, I no longer wanted to???

– RAVENMADSAINTSFAN

12. Teachers, WHAT are you doin'??

My best friend in high school dated a teacher and the school found out somehow.

I don’t know if she is thinks of it like this though.

I for sure do.

– jennybgenius16

13. An incredibly delusional and unsafe adult.

I dated an older woman when I was a teen. She was in her mid 20’s, I was still a minor. When we broke up, she told me she’d been stopping her friends from coming after me, but now she wasn’t going to stop them anymore.

She proceeded to make my life hell, and even faked her own death to make me look bad. She stalked me online for a while after that. I don’t know if she still is, but I can’t deny the possibility.

I don’t feel safe. Don’t know if I ever will.

– legaladult

14. When you're a young teen, you get big ideas.

I was 13 and my parents had a friend who was 24 that started hanging around the house a lot. I developed a big crush on him and ended up losing my virginity to him.

I thought we were in love and going to get married. My parents found out and I never saw him again.

Didn’t realize how creepy it was until I had my own kids.

– arsenicookie

15. As they should.

As a father, the comments scare the shit out of me.

– ForeignFlash

Elana