American Student Abroad Can't Shake Off Whining Colleague Who Believes They Should Stick Together In Foreign Country

" He then also complained to my advisor that I was excluding him and preventing him from bonding with the host org."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• January 8, 2024

When students go to do research or study projects in new places, especially far from home, things can get interesting. They end up in special situations that are like mini versions of the real world, with all sorts of different people and challenges.

This can help you figure out how to get along with others and handle new situations. This story is about a 23-year-old guy from the US doing his master's project in Africa.

He's got two other students from his program there, too: Grace, who's in another city, and Thomas, an undergrad who lives with him but is quite different from him. OP loves outdoor sports and making friends. He's tried to hang out with Thomas by doing things like climbing and rafting, but Thomas isn't into that stuff at all.

He even told their professor he didn't feel safe doing these activities but never said anything directly. After that, OP stopped inviting Thomas, which led to more complaints about feeling left out.

Now, both Grace and their professor are on his case for not including Thomas enough. He's feeling frustrated because he tried to include Thomas, but it backfired, and now he's being called out for not doing enough.

OP is wondering how much he should be responsible for Thomas having a good time, especially when his efforts weren't well-received.

OP is a 23-year-old Master's student from the US doing fieldwork in an English-speaking country in Africa.

OP is sociable and have made friends at the host organization.

One of OP's colleagues complained to the counselor that he felt excluded and couldn't connect with the host organization because of OP.

OP's advisor wants OP to get their co-worker more involved in activities, but OP disagrees, saying it's not his responsibility.

It's contradictory for him to dislike OP's activities yet want to be invited.

OP should focus on the fact that he tried to include him in activities, even if it wasn't appreciated.

He clearly expressed his desire not to be included.

OP could check his contract to see if he is obligated to constantly entertain him.

OP should inform his advisor that he included Thomas initially but stopped due to his indirect complaints.

OP is not obligated to entertain him.

OP should let the advisor handle Thomas.

If he needs constant help, he may not be ready to live, study, or work abroad.

OP should talk to his advisor and explain that he did try to include Thomas at first, but it didn't work out. Then, the advisor can decide what to do next, as he has more experience in handling these situations.

In the end, OP isn't obligated to entertain Thomas. It's essential to make sure everyone feels comfortable and safe.

If Thomas needs a lot of help or support, it might mean he's not quite ready for life, study, or work abroad, and that's something others should address.

Damjan