People Who Work In Customer Service Share The Absolute Dumbest Things Customers Have Ever Said

Funny and sad at the same time.

Elana

• Published in Funny
• July 1, 2019

Working in customer service is no walk in the park. A lot of people who have worked in customer service will repeat the sentiment, "everyone should be required to work in customer service at least once in their life for perspective." It's the sort of thing that could change the world for the better, because when you've worked in customer service you tend to have an understanding of just how crappy, arrogant, and frequently stupid customers tend to be.

Underpaid, undervalued, over-worked... customer service jobs can be the pits. But when it comes to your client base, which is going to be diverse depending on what aspect of the service industry you do work in, there can also be a lot of comedic relief. Well, at least it comes down to, "if I don't laugh, I may cry, so laugh with me." Bless Ask Reddit for giving everyone an opportunity to vent away the stupidity!

Babysitting at Wal-Mart? No thanks.

I work at walmart stocking shelves in the grocery department. During one busy day a woman came up to me with a crying kid, probably about 5 years old, and said (exact quote) "my kid is pissing me off, watch him for me while I go get some things."

I told her that it wasn't my job to watch her kid and that I had to go in back and do things and he couldn't come with me anyway, so then she told me she was going to walk away and leave her kid there and if anything happened to him it would be my fault. So I told her if she did that I was going to take her kid to customer service and tell them he was lost and have them page her until she came back.

She started to walk away anyway so I took her kids hand and started to bring him to customer service and then all of a sudden she yelled "WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY SON" and I froze, but fortunately a bunch of customers had overheard the whole conversation and explained what had happened to my manager who kicked her out of the store.

- but_theres_dragons

A clear misunderstanding.

"My laptop won't turn on!"

"Did you plug it in and charge the battery?"

"NO! This is a laptop! It doesn't need to be plugged in!"

"Ma'am, the battery still needs to be charg..."

"LISTEN! This is a laptop!"

- Garvilan

For the love of propane!

In high school I worked at a local hardware store. We also refilled propane tanks for gas grills. After a summer or two of doing ten or more tanks a day you get good at guestimating how full a tank is just by picking it up. one particularly hot day a customer comes in and sets his tank down next to me and asks for a fill up. I pick up the tank and inform him that the tank is full and does not need a fill up. He looks pretty agitated already with this short exchange and says that he checked that it was empty and would I just fill it up. To this, I inquired how he checked. There are several ways to check, one being by the weight of the tank, another is the thermal strip on the side (which his tank did not have) the other is to pour hot water down the side and feel where it gets cold. His reply assured me that this was one blithering idiot lucky to be alive. He said he checked it by holding his cigarette lighter in front of the valve and opening it. To this I replied: " You ought to write to your congressman and representative because they saved your life today. This tank has an OPD safety valve on it that prevents the gas from coming out without anything attached." He walked out without another word and with a very red face.

- Kahanamoku

Ice, Ice, Baby.

The ice dispenser broke at the fast food joint I used to work at. As a temporary fix while we waited for the repair guy to come take a look at it, we set out a giant serving bowl full of ice with tongs, so people could still ice their drinks. About 10 minutes after putting out the ice bowl, a customer comes up to me to complain that the machine isn't dispensing ice.

I tell him, "We know. A repair guy was called, but he's not here yet. In the meantime, there's a bowl next to the soda fountain, so you can still get ice."

The guy immediately gets an attitude about it. "How do I know that ice hasn't been sitting out there all day?"

I stare at him for a good few seconds before saying, "Because it's still solid."

"..."

"If left out at room temperature 'old ice' would just be water."

"I want to speak with your manager."

- CentSG2

How dare you do your live-saving job?

I worked as a lifeguard at a public pool last summer.

We had a strict ‘No water-wings” policy. Those little f**kers are death traps. So this woman is putting water wings on her kid next to the pool, and I politely inform her that we do not allow water wings, and have life vests available for free literally 5 feet from where she’s standing. She becomes so infuriated that I would “dare to dictate how she treats her child” and tons of other shit. So I call my supervisor over, and as he arrives and is speaking to her, the kid jumps in the pool.

Water wings slip up his arms, and he’s suspended underwater. Jump in and pull him out. Woman is furious that I would “have the nerve to touch her child. How dare I?!”

-AskReddit

Technology, Man.

I used to work in a call centre. When a customer called to place an order from the catalog we would have to offer them cross sells that appeared on our screen. Say for example someone ordered a stapler, we would offer them staples to go with it. This took place back when computer inkjet printers were fairly new. They didn’t have wireless network capabilities nor did they have SD card readers built in. It was also before tablets came out. A woman called to place an order and the conversation went like this

Her: Hi. I’d like to order item #XXXXXXXX

Me: ok. That would be an HP printer (offering cross sell) would you also like to add the printer cable as it’s not included.

Her: Why would I need a cable?

Me: to connect to your computer

Her: oh honey, I don’t have a computer I just want to print some stuff

Me: umm. You need a computer in order to print stuff

Her: no. My son knows a lot about computers and you are wrong.

After spending 5 minutes explaining how she can’t print without a computer she continued to place the order and the call ended. I wrote careful notes in the log and explained it all. I wrote down the order number as I knew she’d call back to return it. Sure enough about 3 weeks later I checked and she had called to return it. In the notes the person who handled the return said that the person she ordered it from said nothing about needing a computer to work the printer. I didn’t get in trouble cause my notes had been in the system saving my ass.

- xorant

No, no, I enjoy paying more.

Customer: Can I get a Big Mac, a poutine, and a large coffee double double.

Me: Alright, so I will make that a meal for you so it’s cheaper.

Customer: I don’t want a meal. I want a BIG MAC, A POUTINE, AND A LARGE DOUBLE DOUBLE. THAT’S IT. NO MEAL.

Me: Ma’am.. those three items together are a meal. I can charge you separately for more money if you want but a meal is cheaper.

Customer: huffs I said no meal. Let me pay. proceeds to pay $3-$4 extra just because she doesn’t want a meal

I don’t understand customers sometimes.

- k0maru

Crisp.

When I used to waitress I once had a customer complain I put too much ice in her glass of water because it would water down the flavor...I didn't even know how to respond to that.

- FairBootlace

Not how this works.

- Closer-To-The-Sun

This is why we need to better fund the education system.

Worked at EB Games when I was 18, in a city in Canada known for its red necks. A man in his 40s came in and spent at least 3 hours browsing every single title on the wall. He refused my help several times and eventually came up to the counter with 5 brand new games on almost every system we carried. After ringing in his selection of Cabela’s hunting, Nascar racing and UFC fighting he paid and left.

Several hours later the man returns! He throws open the front door (it was a stand alone store) and yells “What kind of sh*t show are you running here?!” He is red in the face and stomps towards me and throws his bag of games onto the counter.

“NONE OF THESE WORK. THIS IS A SH*T STORE. WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS… (man rants and yells at me for a minute or so before he decides to take a breath).”

I asked him, “you tried the games in your Xbox, PC and Playstation and NONE of them worked?”

His reply “I just got that new player from Wal-Mart THIS AFTERNOON and NONE OF THESE GAMES WORK!!” Of course, he doesn’t know the name of ‘the disc player’ that he bought was. After several painful minutes and him showing me the Wal-Mart receipt out of his pocket…

…he bought a DVD player.

- Ahnita

I'll take, "things we wish weren't real for $200, Alex."

I once had a customer bring back a laptop she bought the day before claiming it was broken. She said it wouldn’t open, I asked her if it was windows not loading up or a program not opening, she said the laptop itself wouldn’t physically open. I took it out of the box, opened it up and just looked at her. Her mouth fell open, she looked at me and said “Oh, it opens that side! Me and my sister tried for an hour to open it up last night and couldn’t” She had been trying to open it from the hinge side…

- MunkeyMann

Pizza, Pizza!

"How many slices are in a large pizza?"

"Eight."

"What about a medium?"

"Eight."

"Okay, wiseguy, how many slices in a small?"

"Eight."

"How can a large and a small have the same number of slices?"

"Because we cut them all the same number of times."

"Bullshit, that doesn't make sense. Let me talk to your manager!"

I called the manager over and he has the exact same conversation with the customer. This has happened several times. How is it so hard to understand?

- 80_firebird

Pure, unfiltered patriotism.

Back in college, I worked over the summer for a tour bus company in Washington, DC. While driving past the Washington Monument, a woman asked me “How do they get all the flags to fly in the same direction?”

- habragg

Do you even science, mom?

I have been a waiter for years but by far the stupidest thing I've ever had happen to me at work happened when I was just starting out. I was waiting on a family of four and they all ordered Ice waters. I brought them their drinks and then a few minutes later the mom waves me over. She says " The out side of my glass is wet" I stare at it and see the beads of condensation on the outside of the glass. " Yeah it's called condensation, its what happens when you have Ice water in a room temperature glass" she stares at me like I'm a f**king alien, and then I realize that this was my future as a waiter, dealing with f**king idiots. I took her drink and wiped it off with a towel and handed it back to her.

- unknown

I'm sure the photos were magnificent.

Not mine, but a friend told this story in college, and it always amused me. She worked in a camera store, and this was the early 90's, so pre-digital camera era. This woman comes in, wanting to get some photos developed. She hands my friend the whole camera (not unusual; apparently a lot of people didn't know how to get the film out after they were done with a roll, so this part wasn't uncommon). My friend examines the camera, and:

My friend: um... Ma'am, there's no film in here. Woman: That's okay, I still took the pictures. My friend: But there's no film in the camera.

Woman: I know, but I took the pictures anyway, so please get them out. My friend: But... You would have to have had film in the camera first... Woman: it doesn't matter, I pressed the button. There are pictures in there. Please get them out.

And so on, for quite some time. It ended with the woman storming off, convinced my friend was incompetent.

- bobbyfakename

All-too common occurance.

'Would you like some jalapeños with your nachos?' 'No, I'm massively allergic. I could die.' 'Oh, then you shouldn't have any of this then, the cheese and salsa dips you asked for both contain jalapeños' 'Oh; don't worry. I'm not actually allergic. Just not a fan'.

You f***ing thundering bag of d**ks, I wasn't going to force them down your throat. Say 'no thanks' and we're done.

- Greywalker22

Chew-chew-chews.

I used to work at a store in a small midwestern town that sold, among other things, jumbo jelly beans. One day, I received the following phone call:

Customer: Hi, this is Habner Whozizfuck and I was just in there the other day. I bought a pound of the black licorice jelly beans and I think there's something wrong with them.

Me: Why do you think that?

Customer: I put it in my mouth and it just... It just sat there.

Me: What do you mean sir?

Customer: Well, I just put it in my mouth and I had it in my mouth and it just STAYED there. It used to be I'd pop one in my mouth and after a few minutes it would go away.

Me: Do you mean it would disappear?

Customer: No, I mean it would just... It would melt away in my spittle.

Me: Sir, it sounds more like you were eating a hard candy to me. Jelly beans are kind of chewy and they'd probably take a good long while to dissolve in your mouth.

Customer: Well, I guess I don't know what to do. I got a pound of these jelly beans and I don't know what to do with them.

Me: I would suggest chewing them, sir.

Customer: Oh, okay! I'll try that! Thanks!!!

- researchontoast

Who wants to go swimming?

-sunshooter

You don't own the air!!!

Used to do tech support for Verizon and a lady called in yelling at me for shutting down her wifi. Asked for her account info - she doesn't have an account. Asked her why she called us then and she described the screen that shows up when you don't pay your bill. She continued to adamantly claim she has no Verizon account and it is illegal for us to shut down her wifi because we don't own the air.

Finally helped her log into her router to get some info and pulled up an account with a different name on it. She recognizes that name as her neighbor.

Spent the next while trying to get her to understand that she'd been using her neighbor's connection but the neighbor didn't pay the bill so there was nothing I could do. (probably not supposed to discuss the neighbor's billing issue without permission but I'd already told her that screen was from unpaid bills before we figured out it was her neighbor)

Don't think I ever got her to stop telling me I was violating her rights by not allowing her to use the WiFi in her own home...

That call happened to be randomly recorded for QA... My manager, entire team, and multiple training classes thereafter got a good laugh out of it...

- amazonian_raider

Angry.

Worked at a gas station. I watched a customer pull up, whip her door open and slam it against the large, shiny silver pole that protects cars form running into gas pumps. She then proceeds to furiously get out, scream with her head facing the heavens, and run into the gas station telling me I need to be more careful where I place those. The thing has been cemented into the f***ing ground for over twenty years.

- Freakawn

What an incredibly difficult decision to make.

I used to work in a store that sold stuff for getting organized and we carried step ladders for people who might be putting stuff up on high shelves. We had two different models which were completely identical except one had two steps, and the other had three steps. And the larger one cost like $5 mor

One night the store was completely dead when this guy walks in and asks if we have step ladders, so I show him the two choices. He asks all these questions about which one I think is better and whether I recommend one or the other and a bunch of other inane stuff and all I can tell him is that the ONLY difference is the extra step and about $5 in price. So the guy says, "Ok let me think about it for a minute." So I leave him to it.

He ponders this life-altering choice for an hour. He calls his wife to discuss it four times. After endless hemming and hawing he ends up not buying either one, and leaves us with the parting words, "I don't know. I think three steps may just be a little too much ladder for me."

I honestly don't know how someone that indecisive even manages to dress himself in the morning.

- Pustuli0

These directions too confusing.

“Thank you for calling Starbucks, this is Jeff. How can I help you?”

“Yes, where are you located?”

“We’re at the corner of Main and Magnolia.”

“And where is that.”

“Do you know where Main Street is?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know where Magnolia Avenue is?”

“Yes.”

“That’s where we are.”

“Well I’m standing at that intersection and I can’t find your store. Is it underground or something?”

[looks out the window and sees a woman who looks lost] “Ma’am, turn to your left. Do you see a man in a green apron waving at you?” [begins waving at her]

“Yes.”

“That man is inside a Starbucks. Go there.”

“That’s not Starbucks. That’s Quizno’s.”

“Ma’am, I’m very confident I’m in a Starbucks right now.”

“You’re not very helpful”

-AskReddit

Empty Air

A pleasant lady walked into the bike store I work at and asked us to help take her daughter's bike out of the car to find out why it wasn't riding as well as it had been when she got it. I stride over to her minivan and lug out a beautiful, spotless blue Bianchi. Looked like it had been ridden maybe twice.

Brakes were snappy, shifting was crisp, chain had zero rust and zero stretch. The bike was basically good as new. Except the tires were empty. I asked her when her daughter filled them last.

"You have to fill them?"

- cr4m62

Eight-Legged Fight Club

I worked at a Stop and Shop in the produce department part time for a few years. There was a kid in there named Bobby who sold drugs but had a really good sense of humor.

One day we get a call from a customer saying she found a spider in her grapes. He handles it properly and explains that sometimes bugs do come in on the fruit and that he was sorry that happened. She however says that she's bringing it in so we can test whether it's poisonous or not. Problem is, we don't do that. It's a bug. Kill it.

She comes in 45 minutes later with this spider in a tupperware container and starts asking me what we're going to do with it. As I'm backpedaling my way through the conversation Bobby walks up saying "OH YOU'RE THE SPIDER LADY!" He grabs the container and notes how big the spider is which freaks her out a little bit. She asks him what we are going to do with it and with the most serious tone on he just says "Probably going to shake him up and see if he'll fight the other ones we have out back." Then he just walks away. Lady went apeshit on me. I lol'd.

- ytomk

Why are people like this?

"I'm allergic to gluten. I want you to point out all of the candy in your candy shop that is gluten free." I do as requested. She buys a shit ton of licorice. me: "Um, ma'am, that licorice contains gluten." "Oh, a little bit won't hurt me."

- creepingjennie

That's not how any of this works.

I worked at a help-desk… one time a lady called in complaining she “charged her internet all night, and now it won’t work once she unplugged it from the modem”…

- Thepeoplesman

Some people really do like paying more.

Customer: "$11.50?!? The deal says any two footlong sandwiches for $12!"

Me: "Yes, but one of the sandwiches you got had a regular price of $5.50 so it was cheaper any--"

Customer: "That's ridiculous!! I want to see a manager- actually forget it. I'm never coming back!"

- greywolf248

Yikes. Big Yikes.

I can think of one from my time at working at Petco. A lady called saying that her labrador was throwing up blood, and “do you guys sell a pill that stops this?” I gave in to the undisciplined side of my head and irritably responded that if her child was throwing up blood she probably wouldn’t be going to Walgreens to find a drug for it, she’d be going to the doctor’s and she should probably do the same for her dog. That job scared me with the amount of people that were totally clueless on how to raise animals and yet had small children.

- AskReddit

Anchovies, anchovies. Don't you dare.

C1: "I'm allergic to anchovies, so no anchovies on my Caesar salad."

-there's anchovies in our caesar dressing, what would you like instead?

C1: No there's not, I had it last week and I didn't taste them.

I grind anchovies into that dressing Every. Single. Day.

- WesbroBaptstBarNGril

Does anyone get paid enough for this?

Yesterday while I was helping out in Best Buy, a woman approached me with a pink plastic phone case asking how many txt messages it could store in an inbox....

I said she needed to have a cell phone for that. She clearly did not understand. After about 10 minutes of trying to explain that the case was solely for style/protective purposes, I sent her over to the phone department and let them deal with her for the next HOUR.

- neric05

It's called a healthy diet, bro.

I used to work at Red Lobster. A lady asked me for suggestions on something healthy. I suggested grilled salmon. She promptly turned down the idea, saying she heard it was full of fat. She then ordered a fried seafood platter with double butter and sour cream for her baked potato and double ranch dressing for her salad.

- jennsatterfield83

How dare you?

Working in Hotels I have meet quite a few dim bulbs. One night a woman stormed into the lobby screaming about how our parking garage did not have enough clearance for her jacked up hummer. I explained that there is uncovered parking across the street, and if her Hummer did not fit in the garage, she could park there. She got irate about how it was unsafe and demanded I (this is a direct quote) “Go outside and raise the parking structure with a stick or something”. I politely explained that was physically impossible for me to do, and she said “Well, then you shouldn’t be working with people!”

-AskReddit

She probably doesn't.

Worked in a scooter repair shop. This customer was well known for being beyond stupid, every time we saw them. This time, she had lost her keys. She had us pick up the scooter, cut her a new key, and came in to pick it up. Walks in, pays, goes outside to drive home. Walks back inside.

Customer: “um, when I dropped my bike off, there were like.. a lot more keys on here..” holds up key ring

Coworker: “you had us pick up you scooter... because you lost. Your. Keys.”

Customer: eyes go wide after several seconds of confusion “oooohhhhhh thaaatsriiiigghht......!!”

we all stare at each other as she leaves, wondering how she functions in society

- Ninja_rooster

LOL

A Chipotle customer asked for spaghetti noodles on his burrito while pointing to the cheese...

-HimynameisFak

Elana