Millennials Can Tell You How Old They Are In All Sorts of Ways

Pro-Tip: they're not children, anymore.

Elana

• Published in Funny
• April 16, 2019

Millennials are getting a bad reputation, still. It doesn't matter what social media platform you browse on, it's guaranteed someone out there is taking a steaming dump on millennials. They "ruin everything," and "don't know anything." They're constantly being infantilized, treating someone "as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience."

The reality is that by all definitions taken into consideration, not a single millennial is underage anymore. Even by the loosest standards for determining the age of a millennial, they are at least 18 years old. But via the more strict and acceptable ways of determining the generation of millennial, they were born between 1981 and 1996, making them between 22 and 37 years old. That's right, a huge portion of millennials are pushing their 40's.

It's high time to stop arguing with the idiots who A, might not even know they, themselves, are a millennial; and B, don't realize millennials are not petulant children. It's time to get creative about it and we love these ideas, they're as fun as they are funny.

How old are you?

I am "get off the Internet because someone needs to make a phone call" years-old.

And, you, good sir, how old are you?

I am "some of my music fits in a binder" years-old. What is an iPod?

How old are you?

I'm not just "VHS old," I am, "orange VHS" years-old.

GPS is a gift from the GODS

If you are "printed directions" years-old, you hug your GPS technology close at night.

FWIW, if you are "had to read an actual map" years-old, you're probably confused by GPS technology, ya old fart.

How did you entertain yourselves on the toilet back then?

We read shampoo bottles. I am "Reading Shampoo Bottles on the Toilet" years-old. We used to keep books and magazines in the bathroom, too.

How old are you?

Yes, I am "looked up the movie times in the newspaper" years-old. We also had an option to call a phone number and listen to the entire listing of movies and movie-times before we heard the movie we were looking for. Bless the Internet. BLESS THE INTERNET.

What kind of gamer are you?

Kids today be like, "what is channel 3?"

And you, how old are you?

First of all, check out that space-age flip phone.

No instant gratification years-old.

Remember when you had to send photos of to get developed? Remember how many photos came back like this?

How old are you?

"I looked through the eye-hole of a camera" years-old. Y'all can't handle this age.

Things I'll Never Miss

First of all, let's not even talk about how annoying VHS tapes were to begin with. But if you're "I had to watch Titanic on TWO VHS-tapes" years-old, the struggle was real.

Today, there's a button for that.

Rolling up windows was a huge drag, but that's just how old we are.

Today's unlimited power was yesterday's $1k phone bill

Let's talk about phone bills when I was a kid:

If you sent more than 100 texts per month, it was a big bill.

If you made too many phone calls before 9pm, that was a really big bill.

If, God forbid, you hit the Internet button... you were grounded for life.

Ancient Technology Years-Old

Your phone and music device were not one in the same.

How old are you?

I am "my phone battery lasted ALL DAY" years-old.

So, how old are you?

Elana