Forget The Stereotypes—Here’s How Often Happy Couples Are Actually Intimate, According To Research

Warning: The results might shock you.

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• October 23, 2024

Let’s face it—social media can be a relationship trap. Between romantic dates, perfectly filtered lighting, and an endless supply of inside jokes, you might find yourself wondering if you’re missing out on some secret formula for happiness.

But before you start overanalyzing your relationship because you don’t have candlelit dinners every night, take a deep breath. There’s a reason they call it “social media” and not “social reality.” What you see online is usually just the glossy highlight reel, not the bloopers.

Let’s not kid ourselves. Those 15-second clips aren’t exactly telling the full story, especially when it comes to the intimate details. Yes, I get it—the chemistry between your favorite influencer couple in their latest video was so sizzling that you could practically feel the heat through your screen.

You’d bet good money they had a very intense romp session right after hitting “end recording.” While you, on the other hand, are struggling to remember the last time things got steamy in your own bedroom.

But don’t cast that accusatory side-eye at your partner just yet. Dr. Logan Levkoff, a human s*xuality expert, reminds us that these fairy-tale versions of love rarely reflect what real-life relationships look like. 

So, if you’re wondering how often happy couples really get intimate, then the answer might surprise you—and it’s far from the Hollywood portrayal.

Does intimacy slow down with age? Statistically, yes—but it doesn’t have to stop the fun

It turns out that there’s no universal standard, but a 2015 study took a deep dive to find the magic number that keeps couples feeling satisfied in the bedroom. Spoiler alert: it’s not every day or even every other day! In fact, the results are refreshingly realistic.

With a massive sample size of 30,000 Americans, the study sought to uncover how much intimacy people really need to feel fulfilled in their relationships. The verdict? Once a week was the sweet spot.

Brits score an average of 1 'goal' per week in the bedroom (1.1 to be exact), but who’s counting?

Yep, that’s it! The research found that couples who got it on once a week were generally happy with their relationship, and those who did more weren’t necessarily any happier. So, for anyone worried they’re ‘not doing enough,’ there’s your answer: quality over quantity.

Of course, that doesn’t mean everyone is hitting that once-a-week target. There are plenty of reasons why ‘bedroom activities’ in your relationship might not occur as often as you’d like—and it’s not all doom and gloom. 

Those in their late twenties are most likely to get ‘busy’ in the bedroom more frequently than any other age group

 Stress, for one, is a major mood killer; body insecurity is another factor—and let’s not forget chronic medical issues. But it’s not just physical barriers—your smartphone might be killing the mood, too. 

Levkoff explains that while technology connects us intellectually, it can also isolate us emotionally, especially if you’re binge-watching Netflix instead of checking in with your partner.

Finally, a waning connection can make intimacy feel distant. But small acts like sending a flirty text or walking together without phones can reignite the spark. 

The takeaway? There's no "perfect" formula for a happy relationship, but understanding the factors that impact intimacy can help you navigate your own love life with a little more ease—and a lot less comparison.

Jesse