Grandparents Want Control Over Who Attends Grandchild's Wedding Because They're Paying For It

Are they right for imposing wedding rules?

Lakeisha

• Published in Interesting
• March 9, 2023

A Reddit user named weder98s shared a post on the "AITA" subreddit seeking advice on a challenging family situation. Weder98s has four children, one of whom is a 14-year-old son that loves sports.

The son volunteers at a local place where he helps children with physical disabilities participate in sports. Recently, the son signed up for a volunteering program abroad for sports education, and the family has paid the fees and made all necessary arrangements for him to go.

However, his older daughter is getting married in August, and the wedding falls on a day when the son will still be abroad. When the family talked to the son about the situation, he insisted on going on the trip.

The sister and her fiancé were understanding and supportive, and they said they would be fine with him not attending the wedding. They even planned some special activities with him for when he returned home.

However, weder98s' parents, who are paying for the wedding, believe that the son should be at the wedding and have told the family that he should learn to "suck it up for family." The grandparents feel that since they are paying for the wedding, they should have a say in who attends.

Weder98s wants to know whether he's the asshole in this situation, as he believes that his son should be allowed to pursue his passions and interests, even if it means missing his sister's wedding. Here's how the AITA community responded to his post.

Here's OP's story

His son had other plans...

1. His parents may decide who attends but can't force people to come.

2. His parents can't decide what his son chooses to do with his life.

3. His son has valid reasons for missing the wedding.

4. Only the opinions of the bride and groom matter in this situation.

5. His parents are controlling.

6. Only guests can decide whether they'll come to an event.

7. It's not always reasonable to cancel one's plans for family.

8. It's wrong for people to give gifts with strings attached to them.

9. His daughter has the final say on who attends the wedding because it's her wedding.

10. Only toddlers behave this way.

11. It's not uncommon for parents to want control over a wedding they are paying for.

12. He should inform his parents of the final decision and not give in to their terms.

13. His family's happiness is more important than his parents' wishes.

14. The most important people at the wedding are not complaining.

15. Perhaps his daughter needs to tell his parents that she's fine with her brother not attending.

16. Either he calls their bluff, or they change the wedding date to accommodate his son's trip.

17. His son's volunteering trip is much more important than a wedding.

18. One child's progress in life should not hinder another's.

19. It makes no sense that his parents find it hard to understand that his son's travel plans were fixed before the wedding.

20. The only way to force some to honour an invitation is to kidnap them.

What do you think?

Setting boundaries with parents is crucial, especially when they try to interfere with your family affairs. It's necessary to communicate assertively and respectfully that you value their input but ultimately make decisions you believe are best for your family.

Boundaries can involve limiting unsolicited advice, setting specific topics off-limits, and agreeing to disagree. Remember that boundaries are not about cutting off relationships but maintaining healthy relationships with clear expectations and mutual respect.

Lakeisha