35 Of The Dumbest Non-Emergency Calls 911 Operators Have Ever Received

"I am at Burger King and I ordered 6 chicken nuggets but they only gave me 5."

Damjan

• Published in Funny
• February 28, 2022

There are over 34,910 emergency service dispatchers currently employed in the United States. 73.3% of all 911 Operators are women, while 22.2% are men.

Emergency service dispatchers are under a lot of pressure on their jobs. They must not only quickly assist individuals who are in need or who are frightened, but they must also make difficult decisions under stress.

They have limited time to collect all the information, decide on what service to dispatch, and stay on the line with the callers. And all of their work is important for the first responders. They need the dispatchers to do their jobs more efficiently and save lives.

Many people think that dispatchers just answer the phone, but nothing can be further from the truth. They are an incredibly important cog that keeps the machine running.

To them, every call is a matter of life and death until it is proven otherwise. Calling 911 operators, on the other hand, is a joke or a game for some people, or they simply don't know any better.

Police dispatchers on Reddit shared some of the most ludicrous and stupid non-emergency calls they've received over the years. They're as annoying as they are amusing.

We have chosen 35 of the dumbest calls, and we know you are going to like them:

1. Awww. This is sweet

My grandma used to call 911 to have the fire department bring her milk (she lived next to the fire department). She did this multiple times.

Eventually, the fire chief gave her his direct line and he brought her milk until she came to live with us. She passed away in 2004.

My grandma was in early stages of dementia when this was happening, and it was a small town fire dept with a chief who had known her 30 years.

2. Forest fire

This guy calls early in the morning to report a forest fire. He goes on saying it’s getting closer and then goes silent.

He then said never mind. The forest fire was the sun coming up.

He admitted that he normally isn’t up at this early in the morning.

3. That's were we keep them...

CALLER: There is a shark in the ocean.

ME: Yes, ma'am, that is where we keep them.

4. Can you locate the moon for me?

Reporting the moon missing. Imagine having so much faith in your local police department that you think they can recover the moon.

5. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the craziest of them all?

Bloke rang in a panic and said he was being burgled. Had walked to the bathroom in the middle of the night and seen a guy on the landing.

Sprinted back to his bedroom and rang the police. 3 cop cars and a dog unit speed over to his house and do a sweep of the house.

Couldn’t find anything. When one cop asked him where he’d seen this guy he showed him the hallway which had a very large full sized mirror at the end.

Turns out the guy had seen his own reflection in the dark.

6. 911 never goes away

When my daughter was 5 she spent a week with my dad. He gave her an old iPhone to play with.

He said he got a kick out of it bc she has been “fake talking” to someone all week. Well towards the end of the week she handed the phone to him and he played along and said hello.

It was a 911 operator! She had been calling all week to chat with them.

They weren’t mad but wanted to let my dad know that out of service iphones can still call 911.

7. New friends...

My wonderful nephew who has physical and intellectual disabilities called 911 because the cat stole his piece of chicken. Because he can't really speak they must have heard basically grunts and groans as he tried to tell his story.

They got to his house and found out everything was okay and he enjoyed the attention from the officers who responded. Unfortunately they had to teach him to NOT call 911 after that because he called three or four times after the first time because he wanted to see his new 'friends'.

8. Racoons can't read...

Dispatched for a 200 sq mile district with under 70k people, so even the main city wasn't very densely populated. Got a call one night on 911 from a guy who wanted animal control dispatched. Convo went like this:

Caller: There's a racoon!

Me: Where is the racoon? (Thinking we might be able to send someone if it's trapped inside or something)

Caller: In my front yard! He's in the tree!

Me: I think that's where racoon live, sir.

Caller: But I live in the city! Racoons can't live in the city!

Me:........ I dont think the racoon can read the city limits sign.

9. Some powerful winds they have there...

One caller was concerned for his safety when going outside his house because the neighbor a couple of houses down had his table saw out in his garage and he was afraid the wind would blow the blade over to his house and injure him.

10. Your change, sir...

Had a guy call, in a serious panic, saying someone was trying to break into his house. He sounded super panicked, anxious.

I heard loud knocking through the phone. The caller also threw in "I pay your f**king taxes now SEND THE F**KING COPS, I DON'T WANT TO DIE", etc...

I could hear that constant loud door banging and a muffled voice. The guy then throws in "I just had pizza delivered here, and now I have someone trying to break into my house!!"...

and then I could hear through the phone, the delivery guy say "sir, you forgot your change!", over and over. That was back in 2009 and still bothers me at the utter stupidity.

11. Baby is sleeping...

Someone called to tell us we don't need to use lights and sirens at night on our emergency vehicles because it woke up their baby.

12. A mouse in the house...

Got a call for a rat running around a shelf in the callers room.

Keep in mind - I take my job seriously. Everyone’s call is an emergency to them, I’ll respect that.

This is the only call I’ve almost broke on and laughed. She had a thick accent and was on the verge of tears - and I was struggling to understand her.

Eventually, after much confusion, she spells out M O U S E and mimics a mouse laugh (something like MA HEHEHEHEHEHEH) and I about lost it, I had to mute my phone and stand up. The mouse impression was like nothing I’ve ever heard, just so visceral and out of left field.

She was so afraid of this mouse though, we did send over an officer to clear the house for her. I stayed on the phone with her until responders arrived and comforted her, ensuring this wasn’t a dumb call to make, and that our officers would be happy to help.

13. Call us. We care...

Dude called 911 because he got off a train at the wrong stop and was broke. Honestly it wasn't even his predicament so much as he was absolutely obnoxious about it, even called 911 severel more times after I had already told him officers were en route.

Annoying that he's tying up a line for medical emergencies, but that being said i'm going to preach a little: If you honestly think you may have an emergency but aren't sure if it "qualifies" for 911 use, don't worry about it and just do it.

All emergency services personnel would much rather have much ado about nothing than have something terrible happen when it could have been prevented. This goes for all types of emergencies/situations.

14. Fined!

Calls 911 from a pay phone.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“I don’t have an emergency. I didn’t have quarter and I want to talk to a cop.”

“Do you have $699.75?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Sir, 911 is for emergencies. You can be fined for misusing 911.”

“Are you gonna get me a f**king cop or not?”

“Sure.”

Yeh. He got the fine for it.

15. Only 5?

CALLER: I want to report a robbery.

ME: Tell me what happened.

CALLER: I am at Burger King and I ordered 6 chicken nuggets but they only gave me 5.

16. Sometimes...

Caller: The doors to the Circle K are locked and I don’t see anyone inside. They are supposed to be open 24/7.

Me: Sometimes they do that when they need to use the restroom. Just give it a couple of minutes.

Caller: I’ve been standing out here for 10 minutes!

Me: Sometimes it’s more than pee.

17. Wrong race. Living in the neighborhood...

Tons of calls about people being the "wrong" race in their neighborhood.

18. Heavy...

Had a guy call at like 3am, whispering. He and his wife had stayed up drinking, she had passed out on top of him, and he couldn't get up. And could barely breathe. She was 400lbs+ and he was 150.

They had just moved from out of state, and he didn't remember his address. And couldn't reach any pieces of mail. And was calling from a cell phone (in the days before smart phones).

That was a fun one to figure out.

19. Filet-O-Fish and DUI

Guy called 911 before because he ordered a Filet-O-Fish from the drive-thru at McDonald’s and it had ketchup on it.

He was adamant about wanting the police to show up…His “argument” was that he worked at McDonald’s when he was 16 and you don’t put ketchup on Filet-O-Fish.

He got the police alright…and a DUI charge.

20. Snake is a weapon!

Frantic Caller: "I want to report a suspicious male!"

Me: "Ok, where is he?" (gets location) "What makes him suspicious?"

Caller: "Well he's walking down the street carrying a dangerous weapon!"

Me: "What kind of weapon does he have and what is he doing with it?"

Caller: "HE HAS A SNAKE. IT...IT'S AROUND HIS NECK! SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING!"

Me: "....Ma'am, a snake is not a weapon nor is it illegal."

21. It's the moon.

CALLER: There is this light in the sky, out over the harbor.

ME: (looking out the window from which I can see the area). Sir, that is the moon.

22. Ferret emergency

Two women called screaming so violently I was convinced they were being mauled or murdered. Their neighbors ferret slipped under the door to their apartment.

23. Not amused

Me: 9-1-1, police, fire, ambulance.

"Police! Send the f**king cops to **address** now, there's a serious emergency". Silence.

Then suddenly I hear tons of laughter, from grown adults. "Hahahaha, don't actually send the cops, this is just a joke".

I also heard in the background "I can't believe he really did it!". The cops were already dispatched and by the time they got to the house they were not amused.

BlackIsTheSoul

24. Bring me the remote

Ambulance dispatch. Called for us to hand them the remote from across the living room. Yeah.

25. Suspicions ...

Caller: I’d like to report a suspicious person.

Operator: Ok, what does he look like?

Caller: he’s wearing X and he’s black

Operator: Ok, what is he doing that’s suspicious?

Caller: nothing but he just looks really suspicious.

Turns out he’s just a man walking

sneakajoo

26. Oh. Didn't know that

On the iPhone you can snooze your alarm by pressing the lock button, coincidentally you can also call 911 by pressing the lock button multiple times, I’ve done this twice now and both times the guy on the line laughed at me.

27. How do we take it out?

911 education day at elementary schools were the worst because around 3:30 the phones would light up with kids testing to see if it really worked.

But my favorite 911 of all time:

Frightened Teenaged Boy: Um, yes, I was, uh, having sex with my girlfriend and the, uh, condom came off and she, uh, she still has it. Um, inside.

JustAFileClerk

28. Foreign body...

911 call for Foreign Body in the abdomen... belly button lint, it was blue belly button lint.

29. The girl from the corner

Caller: I had a lady friend over, I went to get us drinks, there was $400 on my dresser, now she's gone and so is the money.

Me: (trying to get a description) what was her name, do you know where she lives, etc since he opened with saying he knew her

Caller: ughhhhh um I'm not really sure. I can't remember

Me: You don't know your "friends" name? (Awkward pause) do you want to find out and call back?

30. Can you get us beer?

Ran out of beer at house party and to save anyone drunk driving, could we deliver some.

RealisticBug564

31. Garbage emergency

Didn't like the way the neighbors threw out their garbage.

32. Not a crime...

Someone called 9-1-1 to report "a stranger called me a b**ch at the train station". My colleague had to inform the caller that namecalling isn't a crime.

33. Karens...

Karens not getting their way. One lady wanted to speak to officers because the people she was harassing were "sassy" with her...

Officer told her that being sassy is not against the law lol. Another guy called in about employees calling his girlfriend fat and telling them to leave the store.

His full grown girlfriend was trying to ride in the small store cart and employees said she was too big for it and to get out of it or leave the store. A male Karen called approx 20 times in a few hour span screaming about a home coming dance music and that he pays taxes and they shouldn't be allowed to have dances and other nonsense.

it_just_me_hi

34.

Parents who call on children for not listening or throwing tantrums. I mean kids 6 and under.

Had a guy call 3 times in a night for his son and he got mad at me for telling him to use the non emergency number and not 911.

it_just_me_hi

35. What's the number again?

Asking what the number to 911 is.

Fooling with the 911 line is dangerous and punishable by law. Now, these stories are all amusing but remember… just because they are fun to read about doesn't mean you should do it too.

You should call the emergency services only when there is an actual emergency, not because you have nothing better to do.

Damjan