Man Seeks Tactful Method To Decline Family Wedding Invitation While Maintaining Harmony

"NOBODY (and I mean nobody) in our family likes the groom."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• April 5, 2024

Sometimes, we find ourselves having to go along with things in our family that we don't really agree with just to keep the peace. It makes us wonder: Is it the best choice to just keep quiet and follow along, even if it goes against what we believe in? This man found himself in a similar dilemma.

OP was invited to be at his cousin's wedding. Nobody in their family likes the groom.

The groom is known for being rude to the bride at family gatherings, sitting alone, criticizing her in front of her family, and generally being a poor match for her. Both the bride and his immediate family share this view.

Last Christmas, shortly after the groom proposed, the family sat the bride down to express their concerns about the engagement, telling her that continuing with the marriage would be a mistake and that the groom was not right for her. This intervention left her in tears, especially since the family had previously made it clear they thought the relationship was a bad fit.

Despite the family's concerns, the wedding is set for next year. She has had difficulty maintaining relationships in the past, and OP believes she has compromised her standards significantly to be with someone she now sees as indispensable despite the clear issues.

Now, OP faces a dilemma. He's been asked to participate in the wedding, a situation he's unfamiliar with, having only been in one wedding previously.

His sister, experienced in wedding etiquette, insists that declining the invitation is not an option without offending the bride, groom, and both of their families. She warns that refusing would not only insult them but also risk alienating him from his aunt and uncle, who, despite their dislike for the groom, would see his refusal as a slight.

Seeking an alternative, he turned to his mother, who suggested declining due to financial constraints. However, his sister dismissed this excuse, arguing it would still result in a significant familial rift.

OP was asked to attend his cousin's wedding, but nobody in the family likes the groom, because he's disrespectful to her and constantly criticizes her publicly.

Shortly after he proposed, family had a heart-to-heart with her, expressing their concerns about their compatibility, but she was devastated by their advice.

Despite her history of relationship struggles, OP's cousin is set to marry next year and it seems she's lowered her standards to be with her current fiancé.

OP's problem is that he's not sure how to decline to attend this wedding.

Declining would offend the bride, groom, and both families, potentially leading to conflict with relatives, particularly the aunt and uncle who also dislike the groom.

OP's mom suggested that he could decline, citing financial reasons, but his sister thinks that won't suffice and fears it'll cause a rift between families.

OP has the right to decline participation in the wedding.

OP needs to consider the consequences deeply.

The cousin already knows the family's disapproval, so honesty about declining should be acceptable.

OP is free not to attend, but the family should reassure her that they'll support her whether she stays with him or not.

Sister and Mom can go if they wish, but they shouldn't control OP's choices.

OP should be honest with his cousin and politely decline.

If OP is concerned about family drama, he should discuss it with his aunt and uncle beforehand.

OP has the right to say no.

Declining is generally acceptable and shouldn't cause problems.

OP is not the wrongdoer here, but he should try to stay involved in his cousin's life.

It's okay for OP to say no to being in the wedding if he doesn't feel good about it. He should think about what might happen because of his decision, but being honest about not wanting to go should be okay, especially since the family already doesn't like the groom.

He needs to know he can make his own choice here, and the family should back up the cousin no matter what happens with her marriage. His sister and mom can decide for themselves if they want to go, but they shouldn't push him to do something he doesn't want to.

He should just talk to his cousin nicely and say he won't be there. He's not doing anything wrong by not going, but he should still be there for his cousin in other ways.

Damjan